When Following Your Heart (GxG)

When visiting the past

Alex pov

I knew where I had to go as soon as she left. I grabbed my keys and made the drive to the familiar place of my college years. There is a part of the story that I never told Sam. She didn't disappear. She's an assistant coach at the school we played for. It's towards the end of the season so i'm sure I can catch her on her way out. They happened to be having a home game today. It felt so weird to be back here. You would think I felt some sort of sentiment being back at my school but this place was buried in my past the minute I walked across the stage in a cap and gown.

I took my place in the stands scanning the field. Our school had one of the best athletic programs on the east coast. I spotted her easily talking to one of the team members on the side. I'm sure she was a great coach.

The score was 4-1, Uconn taking the win. I rushed down the stands onto the field. Some of the security guards remembered me so it wasn't much of a problem. I watched the team walk towards the locker room and then I saw her again. Behind everyone else looking at her phone.

"Sara" I yelled loud enough for her to hear without causing a scene. Her head snapped in my direction scanning around. Then her eyes met mine, her face used to beam with excitement when she saw me, now its just confusion. I stepped closer in her direction.

"Alex?" She met me half way and we were now standing awkwardly in front of each other. She hasn't changed at all. Still the innocent looking angel she was.

"Hi." I said smiling awkwardly.

"Why are you here?" She asked. She didnt seem upset, just confused.

"I was hoping we could go somewhere and talk. Can you come with me after you finish here?" I didn't really have a plan at this point. Just hoping for the best.

She hesitated before responding, "Sure let me just finish up in the locker room and i'll meet you outside."

After a quick nod she disappeared into the building and I got into my car. What was I doing? I honestly didn't know. I just needed to find some closure. Maybe something to help me move on. Before I knew it she was getting into the seat next to me. I looked over to her.

"Thanks for not ditching me. Wasn't sure you would come after having time to think about it." I said putting the car in drive.

The drive was awkwardly silent. I drove to a park we used to frequent. The parking lot was empty so we could just sit and talk. She didn't glance at me once. I couldn't imagine what was going through her head.

After parking the car we continued our silence. I looked over at her long enough to get her to look back.

"I'm sorry." She whispered breaking the silence.

"For what?"

"For everything. For you losing your parents, for cheating on you with someone you hate, for abandoning you. I'm just sorry everything happened the way it did." She let out a sigh.

"I'm sorry too. I took everything out on you. I shouldn't have. I know I pushed you away, I just never realized how far." I looked away this time focusing on the park. The car fell silent again.

"Are you happy?" I asked.

She turned to study my face. "Sometimes." She spoke softly.

This time I turned to look at her with a confused look.

"Sometimes i'm happy. I mean I have a good life, i'm a coach, I have my own place, I doing well. I'm just lonely sometimes. And sometimes I think about us and wonder why I threw that away for someone who treated me like crap." She paused for a second. Now I was intrigued. "Why did you come here?" She asked.

I didn't know what to say. How do I explain that i'm here to figure out why i'm not with Carmen.

"I changed. I became a different person after you. I haven't been able to be with anyone since you. I was hurt. You told me to come back when I was ready and I did. But you hadn't waited for me and guess what? I'm starting to fall for someone else who told me those exact same words and I can't pull my head out of my ass to give them what they want. What I want. I'm just fucked up." I sighed putting my head down playing with the keys in my hand.

"What do you mean treated you like crap. What happened with Alyssa?" I asked.

This time she put her head down.

"She was selfish. Always had to do things her way, even gifts she got me benefited her in some way. She just wasn't a very nice person. She was just there at the right time. A distraction from you."

I couldn't deny the sting from her words. She needed to get away from me and someone else, Alyssa came to the rescue.

"Was I that much of a monster?" I asked.

"The first time I hung out with Alyssa, you pushed me out the door of your house and said I was the reason your parents died. You told me to go to hell. I knew you were drunk but I just couldn't take it anymore. I ran into her and she comforted me. It went from there. I never meant for it to get carried away. But eventually feelings got involved and by then we were done. I hated the look in your eyes when I spoke those words. I never imagined you would actually come back."

I shook my head after hearing how horrible I was. "I'm so sorry Sara. You didn't deserve that. And i'm sorry Alyssa was such an asshole."

She let out a light chuckle. "It's in the past. It's okay. I'm glad you are better. So tell me about the girl you are falling for. Whats her name?" She asked.

A smile grew on my face. "Her name is Carmen. She's amazing. She is the first person who has made me feel real feelings that I haven't felt in a very long time and it's terrifying. After you left I realized how attached I was. How dependent I was on you. Staying single all this time had prevented me from getting like that again. What if it happens with her. She's straight. She likes me but she's straight. What if we fall in love and she wakes up one morning deciding she doesn't want this. I can't be that broken again."

She flicked me on my temple and I flinched.

"What was that for?" I glared at her.

"You're an idiot. You can't let fear run you're life Alex. Almost everything you do has a 50/50 chance of going wrong but does that mean you don't do anything? Of course not. There's a 50 percent chance I could leave my house at any moment and die does that mean i'll never leave my house? No! If you want to get out of this rut you are in then you have to force yourself to take risks. Don't let one bad experience ruin your love life forever. Love is an amazing thing. Don't miss out on it because there is also a 50% chance that it will take your breath away and it will be amazing." She half yelled talking with her hands like she always used to.

We stayed in the car talking for a little bit more catching up on things. It was nice. There wasn't any tension. I had a feeling she still had feelings for me but she never said anything. I'm glad she didn't. Wouldn't want to deal with that now.

It was dark out now. I was driving her back to her car at the field.

"Thank you." I spoke as she was about to get out. She gave me a small smile and leaned over to kiss my cheek.

"Good luck." She said as she left my car disappearing into the dark parking lot.

The drive home gave me lots of time to think. I had to fix things with Carmen. I need to make it work with her or i'll never be able to get out of this funk. I don't want to be single anymore and I know exactly how to change that.