Darling & Foster

Thirty-Three (Final)

I woke up in a field of roses. I mean real, vibrant red roses like I'd never seen before. It was almost dark outside. My eyes felt heavy, like I'd only been asleep for a few minutes. I sat up and saw Foster sitting on a boulder in the middle of the field. He looked exactly as perfect as you'd think. His hair was pushed back and he looked peaceful and confused and sad all at the same time. He saw me getting up and called me over.

"This is for you," it was a rose. And I thought that was ironic. He smiled that boyish smile.

He started walking and I followed until we reached a certain isolated little part of the field. A place with no roses, a place where the roses had been cut down. And a little makeshift plaque, just like the little makeshift grave, that read "Fiona".

Just as soon as we got there, I started feeling the horror. And just as soon as I felt it, he started talking. "I've never told anyone this. I can't believe I'm telling you this."

I put my hand on his shoulder, "It's okay."

He nodded, "Fiona and I both hated the world. She hated people and I hated what she hated so naturally, we fled. Neither of us ever really escaped..." His voice cracked but he kept going, "Fiona killed herself. We had planned to sleep under the stars that night. She was so paranoid. And I wanted to be free and I felt free.. that was the only time. We had brought bottles of wine.. to celebrate our freedom, our happiness, whatever you wanna call it. When I was sleeping, she was drinking. And then she drove away and then she crashed. I don't know why," His eyes had starting watered and his face was red. I could see it even under the dim horizon. He was talking abnormally fast and it was hard for me to catch every word, "I was the one who had to pull her body out of that car.. I was the one who had to carry her dead body back to the city," he was crying now. After every word, he let out another sob.  

I couldn't watch him keep talking. I just hugged him and felt his tears through my coat and through my shirt and onto my skin and then I realized that those were my eyes and I was crying too. I hugged him and hugged him until I felt like he was whole again.

We fell back onto the roses. I closed my eyes. My heart was beating out of my chest. And I knew that he could finally be whole again, because this secret and this burden was no longer splitting him apart and I loved him more than I had ever loved him, because now I knew him. I put my head on his chest and I just couldn't stop crying. Because my eyes were heavy and the night was heavy and it was all so heavy. I cried for Fiona and I cried for Noel and Lilian and I cried especially for Foster. 

"You make me feel like I'm free again," he said. 

And I mouthed those words a thousand times as he kissed me. And a thousand times before I fell asleep, like a prayer. Because he was the only thing I believed in, and I knew, that I was the only thing he believed in too.