Darling & Foster

Twenty-Two

Lilian and Noel stood by the bleachers, talking about something. I think it was about something shallow, because they were gesturing and smiling. Not in a mean way, nothing cruel. Noel was hardly ever judgemental. Just in a way that made me assume they were discussing hair, or nails, or the prettiest of powders to mask their true faces. Lilian seemed nice. She seemed like she would be a good girlfriend. For Foster. Maybe even for Foster, if that's what it came down too. The last thing I want to be is a hinderence. And besides, Lilian was pretty. Just about pretty enough for Foster. They fit and they've fit for a long time. Foster was sitting on the bleachers, Clint sat a few rows down, a few rows closer to me. I sat at the bottom. Close to the field. Alone. Chillingly alone. 

My cardigan was getting too small for me, my cardigan was the only thing too small about me. I tugged it down, an attempt to make it more flattering. I feel like my stomach bloated endlessly. Endlessly. Looking at my thighs from this angle, I was disgusted. Why would Foster ever ever want to touch the lips of a girl whos thighs were this over-sized. How could he ever look into my eyes without loathing everything that he saw.

Pity.

And that's truly all that it was. That's all that it ever could be. He felt melancholy empathy for the fat, lonely, anorexic girl. So he kissed her. On a whim. A benevolent, charitable, silly whim. I looked at him. I hoped he wouldn't notice my curious eyes strolling away to his face. Unruly onyx raven hair that didn't even look real. Nothing about him looked real. He licked his lips. Flush, pink lips. I cannot believe I had those lips pressed against mine. Not even out of pity. I have tasted a gift from the gods, I have relished a benefit from the angels. It's almost unbearable. He's the prettiest thing I've ever -

"Darla," Noel tapped me on the shoulder, "we're going to go sit with Foster." She gave Lilian a look and a tender laugh left her lips. Almost malicious. Almost. "Want to come?"

I nodded softly, "I think so."

And Lilian nudged me in the rib on the way. Soft enough to be hardly playful. Hard enough to be infused with something like hate. "I heard you have a crush on my boyfriend." She cackled the same malicious noise as Noel. "That's cute, Darl. That's real cute." But her tone implyed that it was not cute. Not cute even in the slightest bit. Not cute at all.