Shattered Mind (Slow Updates)

Chapter 9

Alexis's POV

It was the end of the day and I was dreading it, I didn't want to go see Katrina because I knew that she would just constantly ask me questions about why I did it, if I want to again, what was going through my mind when I woke up. The same questions she asked when I told her about my first attempt. Austin, Erik, Damian, Tony, and I were all walking out to our cars while I just really just stayed silent the entire time because I still didn't really feel comfortable being around Erik.

From the way that he kept looking over at me I started to wonder is any of them told him about my problems and if they did someone was gonna be ignored. I looked over at Tony and I could tell that he seemed different, instead of his normal laid back self he seemed very upset and kept his head down often. Was him not being with Alyssa effecting him more than any of us thought? It really seemed like it because she was the one who had really helped him through everything.

I made a mental note to ask him about it later at some point because I wanted to make sure that he knew that he could talk to me just as much as I could talk to him. All I did was say bye to every one else before getting in the car because I wanted to get the meeting it Katrina over and done with. After a few minutes Damian got in the car as well and gave me a confused look. " What's up?"

I sigh and just shake my head. " I just don't want hear the repetitive questions that Katrina is gonna be asking me because I know that she is just going to ask the same things as she did when she heard about my first attempt." I say in irritation. I didn't want to go at all but I had missed so many meetings I couldn't just skip out on another one after being out of the hospital.

He frowns and takes my hand in his. "Do you need anything before I take you there?" My cigarettes, I really needed those but there was no way in hell I would say that out loud so I just simply shake my head. "No I'm fine just take me to her office and ill get this done and over with." He nods and leans over gently kissing the mark he left on my neck this morning which made me shiver and definitely made me stop my mini freak out in my mind.

He gives me a small smile before pulling out of the spot and driving me to Katrina's, I plug my phone in and put on My Immortal by Evanescence, I simply hum along with the lyrics just wanting to listen to Amy Lee's beautiful voice. Sooner than what I would have liked we drive up to the building.

"If it gets too much and you need to stop the session early then just walk out and call me, ill come to pick you up early." I nod and lean over and gently kiss him. "I will most likely do that but ill see you at the end probably because Ill probably make myself stay because I hate making her upset with me." He nods and kisses me one more time. "I love you baby." I smile a little. "I love you too." And with that I get out of the car and head inside.

Sadly Katrina was standing at the front desk and so I didn't have anymore time before I was made to see her. She smiles when she sees me but it seems fake. "Hello Alexis, come follow me to my office and we can start our session." I nod silently before she starts walking back to her office. I really didn't want to be here and I got the urge to smoke more and more knowing that I cant cut.

I sit in my normal spot on the couch and stay silent, as if it was our first session all over again. "So Alexis, are you doing better after trying to kill yourself?" I flinch mentally at how blunt she was when normally she would word it nicer than that. I stay silent and just look at her, feeling as if I couldn't trust her anymore. She sighs and shakes her head leaning back in her chair.

"See if you had just listened to me about going to the mental help center then you would have never tried killing yourself again." She says as if to say "I told you so". I dig my nails into my hand and glare at her. "Do you not care that on that day I had only hours before been raped again by the man that blackmailed me and was told that someone that was supposed to be close to me was that guys sister and that she said I should have killed myself that first time?" I say harshly since my patience was wearing thin already.