Deadpool in Overwatch

Zenyatta

"Well, if it isn't two of my favourite robots!" Deadpool said, greeting Genji and Zenyatta as he walked through the door to the outside area. The team was taking a break from missions, and had landed their ship near an Omnic temple in the Himalayas.
"I'm not really a robot... never mind." Genji shook his head. "Anyway, my sensei and I are glad you came here. We wanted to talk to you about something."
"During your brief time at Overwatch, you have been an excellent agent, Wade." Zenyatta began. "But your violent tendencies are... a bit worrying."
"I don't know what you're talking about." Deadpool said, aiming his gun at a bird. Genji sighed and facepalmed, while Zenyatta floated towards Deadpool. He placed a robotic hand on his arm.
"Listen, Wade, I know you have amazing potential. You have impeccable combat skills, and you're abilities are an asset to the team." Zenyatta complimented.
"Oh, stop." Deadpool chuckled. Zenyatta wasn't done. He took the gun from Deadpool's hands before he could shoot the bird.
"I can show you how to truly unlock your potential." He said. "Come and sit with me for a moment."
"Yeah, sure, why not." Deadpool shrugged. Zenyatta floated over to where he was sitting before. Deadpool walked over and sat across from him on the ground.
"So... what now?" He asked.
"Now, we meditate." Zenyatta explained.
Deadpool groaned in annoyance. "Aww, but that's boring." He complained.
"That's an understandable response." Zenyatta chuckled. "If I'm not mistaken, Genji thought the same way at first."
"It's true." Genji nodded. "But I eventually learned that meditation is an excellent way to stave off violent urges, like the ones I once had."
"Alright, fine. I'll give it a shot." Deadpool grumbled. He crossed his legs and sat silently on the ground. Zenyatta nodded towards Genji, signalling for him to leave. Then, he turned back to Deadpool.
"Now, Wade, I want you to empty your mind." He said. "Try to focus on absolutely nothing until you are at peace..."
Deadpool wasn't listening. While he was "meditating", he started thinking about various cartoon themes. He had just gotten to the end of the Steven Universe theme and was about to start the Aqua Teen Hunger Force theme, when Zenyatta broke his concentration.
"Wade, are you listening?" He asked.
"Oh... uh... yeah, sure thing." Deadpool nodded.
If Zenyatta had eyes, he would have rolled them. "Anyway, continue to think of nothing." He said. "Now, I want you to visualize something. Picture the thing you want most in life."
"Tracer's ass?" Deadpool said.
"Eh... no." Zenyatta replied. "Picture a material desire. Like... an electronic device, or a weapon, or money."
"What about a lightsaber?" Deadpool asked.
"It's better if you picture a real object." Zenyatta said.
"Lightsabers could be real, you don't know." Deadpool argued.
Zenyatta was about to inform Deadpool of the physical and ethical limitations that would restrict a lightsaber from existing, but he decided against it.
"Either way, while you picture this object, I want you to relinquish your desire for it." He continued.
"What? Why? I want a lightsaber." Deadpool said.
Zenyatta pinched the bridge of his nonexistent nose. "That's not the point..." He began. Deadpool sighed and stood up.
"Look, Robot Ghandi, I don't think this whole meditation this is for me." He said.
"I see." Zenyatta said, floating back into his normal position. "Then I have no other choice."
One of his orbs began to glow yellow. Suddenly, he shot a hand in Deadpool's direction. Deadpool knew this was how Zenyatta attacked enemies, so he instinctively flinched. But it didn't appear that Zenyatta had attacked him. Instead, he noticed the yellow orb floating above his head, connected to his chest by a string made of light.
"What the hell is this?" Deadpool asked, poking at the orb.
"That is an Orb of Tranquility." Zenyatta explained. "Since you refuse all my other methods, I've resorted to forcefully soothe your violent thoughts."
Deadpool tried to pull on the string connecting the orb, but it didn't work. He tried to pull harder, but it still didn't work. He even tried putting the orb on the ground and placing his foot on it while he pulled, but the orb was stuck to him. Zenyatta was honestly getting entertained by Deadpool's efforts.
"Dammit! So I'm just gonna have a friggin' Pokeball hanging from my neck from now on?" Deadpool asked.
"No, just until you leave my line of sight." Zenyatta said. "And I plan on following you for a while."
"You do know I can teleport, right?" Deadpool said.
Before Zenyatta could respond, Deadpool teleported away, completely out of his line of vision. The orb went back to the others around his neck. He gave a defeated sigh as Genji re-entered the area.
"So how did it go?" He asked.
"Not well." Zenyatta admitted.

Who's next? You decide!