hundred letters - harry styles

Letter 7

Dear Daisy,

After my breakdown two days ago, I'm finally refreshed and feel slightly better. Which unfortunately doesn't mean that I'm feeling good, no. Not at all, far from that actually. I feel really bad, compared to two months ago, you could say I'm getting depressive. I mean, I'm in a no-win situation. You died, then we have the plan, my family, and now all the problems I have. I mean self harming and depressive problems. How am I supposed to act at times like these? I don't want to hurt my family but my love to you is much stronger and much bigger than the one to my family, still. I'd give up so much, for you I'd give up even more, but it does take its time. I promised you, and what I promise is going to happen. I will come to you, soon, very soon even. I can't wait to finally see you again.

Lately, I've been waking up to an empty bed, and it made me realize something. It made me realize how short our time on earth actually is, how many useless things we do, just to please others and not ourselves. You know, Daisy? We're waking up early in the morning just to go to work and be there the whole day. We neither smile nor have fun usually, then, when we go back home, we're completely exhausted and tired. Why are people even doing this? Why do they spend their short time on earth like that? Why don't they spend it wisely? There are so many things to do, so many places to go, so many people to talk to. Why are people still choosing

torturing themselves when they could be enjoying everything?

I said to myself, why am I still sitting here in my empty flat, when I could be traveling around the world right now? I could be in America or in Africa, maybe China or even Australia.

I decided to fly all around the world, experience things, meet people, explore the new and unknown, and then, when I saw everything there is to see, heard everything there is to hear and tried everything there is to try, that's when I'll join you. Why shouldn't I try to enjoy the rest of my life? I'll have so many stories to tell you, so many things to show you and I'll be wiser.

My first stop will be Africa, I want to fly to Ghana and stay there for a while, maybe help people. Why not? It's gonna be fun and a great experience. I'll book the tickets right after I finished writing you. I can't wait to tell you about this experience, actually I can't wait to see you or even be near you again.

By the way, your parents decided to visit me yesterday, unfortunately they had to see me in a state I don't want people to see me. I wore a t-shirt that didn't cover my arms at all, which means they saw all my scars. Your mother looked disgusted by the view but she didn't mention them once, in a whole hour, which means she's getting better. They told me that they planned the whole funeral by themself, I was kind of sorry for not being a help at all but I had so much going on in my own little fucked up world, that I didn't even notice people around me need me. I was pretty selfish lately, and I apologized for not picking up the phone, which means, I'm getting better. I think at the end of my days, I'll get on very well with your parents. Anyway, what I wanted to say is that the funeral will take place on the 20th December, which means in only a week. To be honest, I was about to cry when they told me the details like preparing a speech and what food they'll serve. All of your friends will come, people I haven't seen in ages will tell me how sorry they are and pretend they give a damn fuck. I got angry, very angry at everything in life. It just isn't fair that I have to deal with problems like this, while the only thing other people care about is if there's enough water in their whirlpool. We weren't meant to be ending up like this, not at all. But we're strong.

I love you Daisy