The Pianist - One Direction

Chapter 20

"How can you not realise how bad this is?!" I exclaimed and threw my hands in the air.

I was walking back and forward, getting more and more angry because he didn't seem to understand why I was upset.

Zayn laid on his bed with his arms beneath his head. His foot was crossed over the other, and he was watching me amused.

"Nathan is powerful, yes. But in the end, he is nothing without us. Without the money he earns from us."

"But I'm not in the term 'us'! He can manage without me, he doesn't need me. He could get me fired before we have left France."

"But I- We need you." He said, quickly covering what he was going to say at first. "We won't let them fire you and they won't. You're worrying for nothing."

He was being so calm about this. I had the best job in the world and it could be taken away from me. What would I do if they actually fired me? Nathan didn't like me before the dinner and given the thought about how he stared at me when we left the restaurant, he hated me now.

There had been many times I had freaked out during the tour, and we were only just starting. I had always been very easily nervous. I never thought I was actually good enough, and being at this tour made me feel like I actually was succeeding. I was doing something with my life. Something good. What if it was taken away from me? What if I wasn't good enough now either.

The others were still at the restaurant, and Zayn and I waited for them at his room. I had stopped walking in stress and stood now at the end of his bed, staring on the pattern of the carpet.

"Take it easy. Nothing will happen." He said and sat up. His voice had lost its calm tone and instead it was filled with concern. I guessed he realised I wasn't going to calm down that easy, that I was seriously afraid. I met his eyes, and they were filled with concern, too. I hadn't realised I was breathing hard until just then. I was letting the stress get to me. I was so, so scared. 

"What if it does? I wouldn't be able to handle it. Zayn, what if they take this away from me? The only place I feel like I actually belong?" My voice was close on cracking, but I wouldn't let it. I swallowed hard, hoping it would be okay. I couldn't cry. Not yet. Zayn didn't answer. He patted on the space beside him and I sat down, feeling the burn of tears behind my eyes. He was so close. 

"Isabelle, listen." He used my full name, but I didn't correct him. He knew I preferred my nicknames, still the soft sound of his voice made my full name sound... Not that awful. I forgot why I hated it from the beginning. I didn't meet his eyes, but stared at the patterns of the bed sheets instead. I was very fascinated by patterns that night. I did listen to him, though. It was just not possible to look at him.

"They won't let you go. We won't let you go. You are the best pianist out there and they would do the greatest mistake of their lives if they would let you go just because you're not a guy. Don't you hear how stupid that sound?" He asked me. I didn't think he expected an answer, but his hand went to my chin and made me turn my head. He looked at me with a raised eyebrow and I nodded slightly.

"But Nathan hates me and..."

"For what? Because you weren't okay with his hands and glares all over you? That is not a reason of kicking someone out of the band. You're too good. Believe in yourself, Love. Okay?" He asked, expecting an answer again.

Believe in myself. I didn't know what to do. I had never actually believed much in myself or had much self-confidence. I was always just me and nothing special or extra. Except when it came to my music.

I knew I was good when it came to my music. I was great, really. Music always helped me and playing the piano made me feel safe and home. But this was different. I couldn't believe in my music right then, because this hadn't anything to do with my music. They didn't like me. Sandy had told me earlier that Jon, who had been their keyboardist the last tour, had been good friends with many men from the management. I didn't take his job away from him, I replaced him after he left. But that was one of the reasons why they didn't like me. They didn't like the fact that a little girl had taken their friend's place.