The Pianist - One Direction

Chapter 13

We were quiet for about five minutes, neither of us knowing what to say. Suddenly, Zayn spoke up.

''You know you've barely said five things to me today, yet it's still more than the last two weeks all together.'' He mumbled and looked away from me. I raised my head quickly to look at him. I did not expect that tone in his voice. He sounded hurt, but was he really?

''I know, I'm sorry. I...'' I started.

''If you're going to explain now, because I really need an explanation, then please be honest with me. I can't handle any lies. Not now. Not from you.'' He interrupted me and now his voice changed from hurt to a bit harder, upset, close to anger.

''I wish I had a better explanation for why I've been acting like an idiot, but I really don't. I was afraid and I was stupid, and I hate myself for acting like that. I was being childish.'' I said.

''You were. You were starting to be a very close friend of mine. It's so hard for us to trust anyone when were this famous, but you were special and I trusted you from the very beginning. Then you avoided me completely, without a word, an explanation, without anything. And I hadn't got any idea of what I did wrong. I literary had no idea, and I still don't.'' He said. Zayn was not a person of speech. I was surprised how much he was saying now, and how much feeling he put in every word. The staff of the shop had now made the other costumers leave through a backdoor and the ones left were on the other side, out of hearing.

''You didn't do anything wrong.'' I told him and sighed. I had been hoping I would be able to explain to him without telling him how I stared to like him, in another way than how I wanted it to be. But that would not be an explanation or it would be a lie, and Zayn did not deserve any if that. He deserved the truth.

He rolled his eyes at my answer.

''Well obviously I did something wrong. I did something very wrong that made you ignore me completely for weeks, not caring, not talking, not even sending me the slightest glance! Have you got any idea how it feels? When you know you did something terrible wrong, because why else would the person hate you so much? But you can't think of a single mistake you've done.''

His words chocked me. Both because he was soon out yelling, and his voice was really strong. And because I hadn't realised how much I recognised what he was feeling. For soon a year ago I felt it, and I still did. I didn't know what I did wrong, yet still he had been hating me and I couldn't stand not knowing. I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out.

''I-'' I tried.

''Belle, I didn't mean to yell. I've just been so afraid and scared and angry because you hate me and not having a clue why, and I felt like I had to let it out.'' He started to apologise. Why was he apologising? I was the idiot here! He had done nothing wrong. I deserved to be yelled at, and much more.

''Zayn. I avoided you because I like you. I was scared.'' I blurted out. I couldn't stand seeing the expression on his face any longer. It took me about ten seconds to realise not only that I had just been admitting it to him, but also that I clearly said the words "like" and not "liked". It shouldn't have to mean that much, but it did. A few, painfully quiet, minutes passed by. Much of the time I felt Zayn's eyes staring at me, but I couldn't meet them. I was ashamed, but I didn't know if it was because I admitted it or if it was because I hadn't admitted it until now.

''Is that your reason for avoiding me?'' He asked, his voice quiet again. I nodded.

''It sounds so stupid now and it is. But I was in some way hoping that if I avoided you I would stop liking you and thinking of you like that and go back to seeing you as only a friend, which felt like the only logical and good resolution then.'' I said.

Instead of telling me how stupid I was, instead of yelling at me, Zayn laughed.

I looked up at him. Why did he laugh?

''I'm sorry, this is really not funny.'' He said between his laughs. He had a very nice laugh, it was sweet. ''I'm just so relieved! So you don't hate me?'' He said smiling sincerely to me. I was still confused by his sudden laughter, but I shook my head.

''I never hated you.'' I said.

He let out a big sigh of relieve and smiled to the ceiling, like he could hear the hallelujah chorus or something like that. When he stopped smiling like a crazy person, he looked down at me again. Now with a serious expression, like he remembered what I had been saying. Oh god, he's gonna yell at me now.

''Did it work?'' He asked.

''Did what work?'' I said more confused than ever.

''Did the weird 'let's avoid Zayn-thing' work so you can talk to me again? I've missed my friend.'' He said.

No, Zayn. It did not work. I still like you. I thought. I answered a bit cryptically.

''The only thing avoiding you did was making me sad.'' I said. He smiled at me and I smiled back. I had my friend back, and it didn't even look like he heard the part where I told him I liked him. But of course, he couldn't possibly have missed that. I didn't care though. That was a conversation I was not ready to have.

My phone vibrated in my pocket and I didn't care to look at the caller-ID.

''Hello?''

''We're outside, Issy!'' Paul said. Preston is coming in to get you, because there's still a lot of girls outside. Not nearly as many as before though.'' He explained.

''Thank you, Paul! We're on our way.'' I told him and got up at the same time as Zayn. We were on our way towards the exit when he stopped walking and turned to me.

''Just the make sure, you won't avoid me anymore, right?'' He asked me. I shook my head and before I could answer he hugged me tightly.

''I've missed you. I've missed my friend.'' He mumbled in my hair and pulled me with him outside the shop.

+++++

I felt like a huge weight was being lifted off my shoulders. Now, everything was okay and I was more ready than ever for the concert that night. I didn't even lose my smile when he said "my friend". If I could have Zayn as a friend, I was happy. And I was obviously not even close to ready for anything more than that.

We met up with the rest of the guys in Harry's and Louis's room. The door was open and we walked in beside each other.

"There you are!" Liam exclaimed looking relieved. Liam was absolutely not the only responsible one in the band or someone who never did anything reckless - like many fans thought - but he was very caring, and he really sounded like he had been worried sick while we were gone.

"You got away from me, and then Niall told us to leave you there!" Harry exclaimed, looking like what they did was horrible. I shrugged like it was no big deal.

"I couldn't see Zayn following us to the van and none of the security guards noticed he stayed behind, so I went in to look for him and then we waited inside the shop for Paul to come get us." I explained and saw Louis smile big in the corner of my eye. I couldn't help but smile a little as well.

"So that means the two of you will act normal from now?" Niall asked us.

What? I had been acting normal! I had only stopped talking to Zayn for a little while, but I didn't change more than that and neither did he.

"What do you mean?" I asked surprised. Zayn had the exact same face expression as I.

"I mean that you both have been acting weird and moody and ignoring each other the last couple of weeks. We all noticed, you know." Niall said and the rest of them nodded.

I felt my cheeks getting warm. So all of them had witnessed my idiocy...

"We'll be normal, yeah." Zayn said and smiled shyly.

I nodded to, but normal? That's boring.