t r o u v a i l l e | ✔️

entry 09

Ruth
23:47
18 december 2016
manhattan, new york

"I almost thought you wouldn't come," Nathanael stood at his door, his arms crossed and with that expressionless look upon his face.

"Me too," I expressed, toying with my gloves. I slipped them off and stuffed them into my pockets.

I thought he'd left the diner as soon as he walked away, rather he stuck around. The first chance he got- which was when Kylan went to the men's room, Nathanael slipped me a napkin with his address and the word tomorrow. Then I watched him leave.

I'd paced my whole apartment contemplating my decision. I knew he wanted to know the real reason why I left and that wasn't the source of apprehension. The source was the fact that I wasn't prepared to have him...around me so much. So much that I would feel more dismay in his absence.

He let a breath out through his nose before stepping behind me. I felt his large hands atop my shoulders and I tensed. "What're yo-"

"I'm taking your jacket, angel." Nathanael insisted gently. He peeled off my coat and took it along with my scarf to the rack near the door. "You want some hot tea?" He knew I did. With my curt nod serving as confirmation, he led me to the living room and motioned toward the couches. "Make yourself at home."

He strolled out and into the kitchen while I lowered onto the three seater that sat directly across from the burning fireplace.

His carpeted steps stole my attention from the flames a few minutes later as he entered the room. He handed me a mug and took a seat on the couch beside me, balancing his own cup of what I knew to be coffee. We sat in silence for at least another ten minutes, gathering our thoughts and revering the peaceful silence. I knew that neither of us wanted to wake the dead air, but we wouldn't sit here all night.

"Nathanael," My voice was hardly above a mere whisper.

"Ruth," He didn't turn away from the fireplace as he responded.

I studied him. His disheveled hair, wrinkled clothes and dark eyes that were without the decor of his semi-rimmed glasses and replaced with dark bags underneath. "When's the last time you slept?"

He swallowed slowly. Finally he turned to face me then said, "Maybe a few days ago."

My shoulders fell. He says this as though it were no big deal. "Now you know that ain't good for you," I scolded gently. "Ought to be sleepin' now,"

"No now, I just want to talk to you." Nathanael responded. "Why did you leave, Ruth?"

I guffawed and lowered the mug onto my lap. "I told you why,"

"Well you had an audience then. Now it's just me and you, so tell me the truth. Why didn't I come back to you in Glendale?"

I stared down into my tea. I really hated to lie, but vulnerability was also something I didn't particularly like to showcase. "Why did you leave, Nate?"

His blue eyes bore holes into me and now I was the one who wouldn't look away from the fire. "You don't call me Nate, Ruth." He pointed out. "And stop avoiding my question."

I begrudgingly met his eyes and pursed my lips. I could have easily just stayed home and avoided him. This was not how I saw things turning out when I left a month ago. "I left," I began. My voice was slightly unsteady and unsure. Unsure of whether I would let him in or not. "I left cause I wanted change,"

"Change?" Nathanael mocked unimpressed. "You loved Glendale-that's not the truth, angel-"

"But it is, Nathanael!" I exclaimed. "You can't jus' show up for a few weeks an think you know everything. I been in that town all my life. None of my family's around no more an bein' alone all'a time ain't easy."

I held his stare as we fell into another lapse of silence.

Reaching over he placed his coffee onto the table in front of him before allowing his head to fall into his hands. "I came back though,"

"Why did you leave in the first place?"

"I'm a photographer, angel." Nathanael answered. He'd said this as though it were obvious although it wasn't. He carried a camera with him in town but...well I guess it was a bit obvious. "I was due in Indonesia two weeks before I even left. You met Julian, my agent, and honestly if he didn't show up I'd still be in Georgia." He let out a breathy chuckle. "Perhaps we both would."

"Then," I started, my face pinched as I tried to work out the information he was throwing at me. "Why would you go all the way to Georgia, fix up a house an' fail to mention this?"

He frowned. "Mention what?"

"That you're some kinda in'ernational photographer." I waved my hand about the air as I tried to get him to understand my frustration. Now his guarded feelings were no help either.

"I went to Georgia, not only because I'd never been, but because I wanted to get away from the rush." Nathanael admitted. "I fixed up the house because Glendale is such a nice place, that I knew I would have wanted to go back. I never said anything about my job cause honestly Ruth," He took ahold of my hand and squeezed it lightly. "I could have cared less. When I was-when I am around you there's nothing else that I can focus on. And when I'm not with you, you're always on my mind."

An uneven breath flew from my parted lips as I took in his words. If only he knew that I felt the same. From the time he left, he lingered in my thoughts. His breathtaking blue eyes, his rare smile and that deep smooth voice that never failed to bring a smile to my own face. "You don't understand," I whispered. He moved closer to me and caught my gaze.

"I think I do, angel." A solemn smile tugged at the corners of his lips. "You're afraid."