Exchange | Malum

-- ❄️ '';;

A/N; actually listen to the song I put in for this chapter. It fits the mood.

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"An angel, that's what she was. . ."

"She was so full of color, so full of life."

"She always brought out the best in people."

"... I miss her."

All of this was bullshit. Michael listened to all of their appraisals and statements about his mother, and none of it added up. Half of these people never had a conversation with her, or they absolutely despised her for taking the last donut on the Friday she quit her job. People only care about you when you're dead. People only realize what they have when you're inside of a casket and all they have left of you is a memory of you laughing or sitting in the backseat of the car, with a wand in your hand, blowing bubbles out of the window because it looks aesthetically pleasing and it's fun. All they have is that little ounce of hope that maybe they're dreaming and you're not actually gone. Michael was hurting, because there were only two people who actually cared, and he was one of them.

Calum grasped a hold of Michaels fingers and put both of their hands in his hoodie pocket for extra warmth. It was below ten degrees outside today. Of course it was freezing on the day Karen was gone, on the day that she had to leave her son with a corrupted world that he just wanted to leave, anyway. "Baby, please don't cry. Just, I know how much it hurts."

"Do you?" Michaels voice cracked, snot coming out of his nose and eyelashes failing to blink away the tears. "I mean. . . come on, your life is so much better than mine."

"My family is fucked up," Calum mumbled under his breath, and Michael just shook his head and clenched his eyes shut. "At least you have a family."

That really hit the Maori. "I didn't mean it like that. . I wasn't trying to trigger you or anything. Gosh, sunshine, I know your mum meant everything to you but-"

"You don't, you don't, you don't," Michael full on sobbed, and Calum instantly grabbed a tissue out of his pocket and handed it over to his boyfriend. "She was all that I had left. . . I'm the only trace of the Clifford residence there is left. . that's unbelievable."

"Trust me, I know," Calum frowned. "I'm sorry it had to happen so quickly. I really tried to save her."

"You could only do so much," the pale lad reiterated, "I mean, it's my fault for bringing you into this in the first place."

"Michael, please don't go there. You putting the blame on yourself isn't going to help anybody here," Calum announced, and Michael knew he was right. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing."

"I'm sorry, I can't control it."

"..."

"Right," Michael frowned as he wiped his cheeks with his knuckles. "You think I can stay at your place tonight? I'm going to need as much comfort as I can get."

"Course."

-

Life was a mess. Life was bullshit. Michael stared up at the ceiling and ignored the smell of pizza coming from downstairs. Calum ordered one because he knew it was his boyfriends favorite, but Michael didn't want to eat. Quite frankly, he didn't want to do anything. "Dinner just got here. Want me to bring you up a plate?"

"Save it for you and your family," Michael smiled sadly. It wasn't that he was trying to create something that he knew wouldn't end well for them. It's just that he couldn't do anything without falling apart. He was as fragile as glass at the moment. Michael couldn't move his thumbs without cracking, or breathe without feeling his chest tighten, or blink without seeing her eyes and her lips driving away the shadows. He couldn't even feel the warmth in his bones anymore. Everything was just empty.

"I'm bringing you a plate," Calum replied, completely ignoring what his boyfriend said. He needed to eat. Of course he was sad, and he had every right to be after what happened. But it doesn't mean you should shut down everything else, because his life and his health is just as important. Michael nodded and waited for the Maori to return with the steaming slice of pizza that melts in his mouth every single time. He was back rather quickly. "Here, eat up before it gets cold."

So Michael did. He only ate a couple of bites and gulped down a little bit of water, but that was enough. It was something. He was eating and he was taking care of himself and that's all that mattered. Calum didn't want his baby to ruin himself, even if he hardly had anything left. "Tell me what's on your mind."

"I'm not really sure if I want to be alive anymore," Michael whispered, nuzzling his head into the crook of the Maoris neck and rubbing his thumb against Calum's index finger.

"Stay alive for me."

And maybe Michael cried into the brunettes arms for the remainder of the night, and maybe he really was having a hard time, but either way, laying with Calum and listening to his heartbeat made everything better. Even if it was just for a night, Calum Hood's love for him could heal anything and everything.

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A/N;

Thoughts?

So Karen died... I'm sorry. This hurt a lot to write, but it was part of the plot.

Any predictions for the future?

Please leave feedback. I love you.