Exchange | Malum

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- D o u b l e  U p d a t e  - A g a i n.

There were too many good and bad days to count.

Michael went to bed that night with a smile on his face, he couldn't stop thinking about how kind Calum was. He literally went out of his way to get him an early birthday present, which was a journal. The Maori was possibly the best boyfriend known to mankind, but Calum would never know that. Calum would never understand that, he'd only doubt himself.

The pale lad watched his boyfriend leave Riley's apartment, his space of the bedroom. The brunette promised he'd stay the night and would do anything for Michael -- as in watching movies, jamming out to music, possibly even writing poetry and reading it out loud, even if it's the most embarrassing thing. But then Calum was gone, and the demons started to return because it was dark outside and Michael always got sad at night. So he started to write. He started to write as if he was an addict with a pen and needed to get closer to the lines on the paper as if they were family. It's only a matter of truth.

But then something slipped out. It was white, it was folded up, and it had weird stains on them that were somewhat transparent but obviously dried up, making the paper have a bit of a gross look to it. Curiosity always got the best of Michael, so of course he had to open it. But as soon as he did, he was full of regret.

"Dear my sunshine, my daisy, my kitten, my baby, my literal epitome of a universe, my Michael,

I'm writing to you at two in the morning. Yeah, I'm awake, I can't really sleep, and that's because I don't want to. My dreams are starting to haunt me. My dads downstairs, he won't stop yelling. He's drunk off of his ass, tossing quarters out of the piggy bank that was in my sisters room, and I swear he's gone through like. . six cigarettes already or whatever, but it doesn't matter. That's not the point. I'm sad. I'm very sad.

I can't just say I'm okay anymore. I can't just keep lying to you. You always ask me, and I brush it off by taking you to some place that you call mysterious, but I call lame. It's somewhere that actually isn't cool. I'm a pretty shitty person. I'm a mistake. I'm a failure. I was using you for sex in the beginning. Your dreams were right. But every single time I look into your eyes, I feel safe. I feel like I have a home. I feel so in love and when you're not near me, I feel exposed to all of the thin air and the chemicals inside of the world and I just.. I won't say I'm okay anymore. I won't lie to you. You taught me not to lie. You taught me to accept, to love, to not be bitter and selfless.

And I know I shouldn't do this. I know writing this to you rather than telling you is one of the most foolish things I could ever do to you and it's not good enough, but I love you. I always loved you. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. This exchange was the best thing that's ever happened to me. But I can't. . I can't pretend to be happy anymore, and that's why I'm going away.

I bought you this journal because I need you to release your thoughts. I need you to forget about all of the negativity. I need you to pretend that the journal is me and that I'm actually here. But.. I won't be here anymore. I can't be here anymore. I'm sad, I'm sad, I'm sad, and I love you. All of that is true. Everything I've stated in this letter is true.

Thank you for the exchange.

Thank you for becoming a part of me. The biggest part of me.

But I have to break my promise, and I have to go. I need to be in a place where I'm not faking happiness. Maybe one day you can join me. That is what love is about, right? Meeting somewhere in the middle.. Yeah, I hope so.

I love you, Michael Gordon Clifford.

I always will.

I'm so sorry.

So fucking sorry.

Sincerely,

Your baby boy."

Michael could feel his tears spilling all over the paper, and they began to blend in with the brunettes. That's why he took him somewhere mysterious. That's why he was acting strange and stopped talking. That's why, that's why, that's why. He made all of those empty promises because he was afraid. . . he was afraid of hurting his favorite thing in the world.

Michael was sad, but he had to keep going. He had to stay alive for Calum, because he promised that he would, for this is what their exchange is all about, a promise.

Fin

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A/N;

So... Thoughts?

This was the most fucked up book I've ever written. I'm sorry. I'm sad as shit now. Haha yeah.

How do you guys feel? Like seriously?

Thank you for sticking with me through this book. Sorry I gave you the shittiest ending ever, but it had to happen. Ily all, ok?

Feel free to read my other books.

Recently started one called genie, and I'm working on twins and I want to be so pls go read those, thank you!' It'd be much appreciated.

I love you guys. Seriously. Thank you for reading exchange. I hope it meant something to you, even if it was the most depressing thing you've probably ever read. Bye everyone.