The echo of our hearts beating, can never be forgotten. A moment of weakness can cause one to do what they most desire to have, without thinking what they are actually doing. Love can make one do crazy things that can be regretted in due time. As I lay next to the man I hate and love, I feel utter regret and disgust to have given myself up to him, to his charm, to his love. My bare skin rests on his bare skin, connecting with one another without any hesitation. My love for him will never change but neither will my hate. Some how I can never fully love David without me feeling some kind of peace after he has suffered what he has to.
I know that I am selfish, taking more and calling it mine. Only thinking about me and nobody else. That is just the way it is. It is Bitter Sweet. There is no way that David will ever forgive me for what I am about to do next. I have to listen before I am obedient enough to listen to what my heart wants. It wants what it wants.
My dear David, how many times do I have to break your heart for you to see that I can never learn to love you like you love me. It's nice being wrapped by your drunken arms but I can't go on like this.
My mind went on and on until it could not go no more. Wide and beyond my mind traveled to try to escape the world it lives in. There is nothing that I can do to take this back. I love it and I hate it. The desire to be loved again is overwhelming.
David's hand swept through my hair and I could feel him caressing my cheeks. Soft and gentle. Warm and loving. The bed sheets once more were concealing our naked bodies and our love. The same feeling as always, the same hate, the same love. All wrapped underneath these bed sheets.
I got off the bed and took a shower as David slept in. Dressed and ready, I picked up some parchment paper and began to write.
David,
My dear darling, till when will you see that I can never learn to love you as you love me? Till when? I must say that I do feel your sincere love when you touch me. I love you just as much as I hate you. There can never be peace in my heart until I do what I must do. I hope and pray that some day you can understand my choices, my decision. You don't deserve to love a person like me... I don't want to hurt you anymore. Please understand. Don't come looking for me, it will just make it worse. I need you to listen to me. Please. I love you, but not enough to stay with you and put the past behind me...
