Just read the first chapter for an insight. It will help you understand what it's about. It's neither a love story nor a vampire/werewolf/billionaire book;just a normal motivational book. It includes rants about various things depending on my mood.
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In 2014, I desperately needed to stop those tears from falling out of my eyes. There was nothing wrong that I did and there was nothing wrong that he did, either. But I wanted to stop living a lie. I loved him but I wasn’t in love with him. I was just 'not into' the loveliest person on the face of this earth and I had no idea why.
What I did know, though, was that I was emotionally cheating on him every passing day and I knew that this was far worse than physical cheating. Our relationship was dying a slow, painful death and I had no control over it even though I was doing everything in my power to save it.
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Cheating is often considered as one of the worst things that can happen in a relationship . Infidelity, whether it’s physical (hooking up) or emotional (having an intense emotional connection with another person that doesn’t involve hooking up), is the ultimate betrayal to many of us . It paints a picture of the love of your life stabbing you, killing you softly, with the squeaky clean familiar knife. It feels like they are watching you die, expressionless. All this might sound a bit dramatic but cheating does suck and relationships of years fade away in no time.
Having said that, I felt this was worse than that. I will shortly tell you why.
He subtly came in as this gypsy with words so fine, wearing a fashionable hat with a zillion thoughts. He used to whisper softly into my ear leaving a tiny curve on my lips like no one else could. He would sweep me off the floor on his whimsical carpet and take me to places, in the town and in his head.
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This is the description of the guy I just wasn’t in love with. It killed me and my self-esteem every single moment.
Perhaps, the most painful part was watching him watch me fall out of love with him. My grip wasn’t tight enough when we hugged and our kisses lacked passion.
I was withholding affection and I could see how badly he needed it.
I could see the world that we co-created crashing from a distance. I felt like I was trying too hard to laugh at his jokes and his ‘Good morning, beautiful ’ weren’t magical anymore. Our ‘I love you’s ’ started becoming less frequent. I could see he was hurting and that hurt me even more. Sometimes, I would just stare at him and wonder what changed? If I left, it was going to be all over. Someone I could just kiss whenever I felt like, is going to be out of reach, completely, palpably forever. And, I know, he felt horrified about the same, somewhere.
