Only You

Chapter 19 Dark Valley

Rena was numb as she read the text. I have honored your request to be left alone, but I couldn't bear to leave without telling you that we're gone. Her heart went dead. She started hitting her chest as though she were trying to start it again. She was past crying. Over the last few weeks all she'd done was try to keep herself from feeling. Now the dryness in her throat was back. The stinging in her eyes was the precursor for the flood of tears to come. The gates of her mind mercilessly caused her to remember. In a flash it seemed that her lifetime with Blake went before her - every special moment of it and every sequence of pain. It was all there. She was reliving it as a movie in her mind. Then the pain hit. A guttural wail came from her core. Clarissa ran to the room and comforted her until the wave of emotions subsided.

"Did he leave?"

"Yes. Is this how you were with dad?"

"Worse, baby. You weren't married to Blake. I was married to your dad for twenty-seven great years. The only reason we had our ups and downs was because of our dreams. I had to let him go and I had to save you from this place."

"What was the worst part for you?"

"Knowing that he was about to take you and signing the divorce papers. Rena, I thought you'd get over everything and be okay. I never thought you would hate me so. I've paid my whole life for that."

"It's just not going to do us any good to look at our past. You and Dad are responsible for all the good I've had in life."

Clarissa enfolded Rena. "That means the world to me, knowing that some good came out of this takes away a lot of my pain."

"Not some good, Mama – a lot of good. How do I cope?"

"You're probably going to be very angry with a lot of things for a long time. Then you'll question whether you made the right decision to let him go. At some point you'll come to accept the hand that you've been dealt. After that comes a calm. After the calm, then comes healing. Nobody knows how long that will take."

Rena reached across her bed and grabbed a tissue and cleaned up her face. "I feel like I'm choking on the inside."

"Do you want me to call Eldred and ask him to prescribe a sedative for you?"

"I think I will need one, but give me a few hours and let me see how I'm feeling. Every part of my body is aching. I wouldn't want to imagine what you must have felt when Dad and I left. Now I feel horrible for the way I acted at the airport."

Clarissa stroked Rena's hair. She was feeling herself begin to choke up but she knew that wouldn't do either of them any good. Someone had to be the rock. Clarissa would be that rock and see Rena through this storm. "You didn't know what was going on. It was a natural reaction. I pushed that thought out of my mind as soon as I could, so don't feel bad about it now."

"Will the movies ever stop playing in my head?"

"Not for a while. You'll learn to control which movies play."

"I'm going to call Eldred. You need to get a lot of sleep. There's no point in putting yourself through more than you have to. Medication can help. I'll go to the pharmacy to pick it up. Sleep was my best friend. I think it will be yours, too."

***

After a month, Ian and Avery were adjusting to married life as much as they could while living in two homes. Avery didn't want to move Chloe into a new school district yet and Ian didn't have enough space in his home to bring his new family permanently in while Rena was still there. So they decided to live in both homes. Rena stepped up to be the caretaker for Clarissa instead of Ian.