SNIPPETS

Hurts

Ever had a break up with someone you love?...
When the time comes... Its just a word... Simple break up...
Right...?

How I couldn't be more wrong.
I thought I'd be happy when I told the love of my life that we are breaking up... I thought I'd go to school the next day and everything would fine...

Now the break up is so official I can't concentrate on my studies... Instead of nailing my drama auditions... I walked out of class and spent a majority of it crying...

When he said he wanted his necklace back... It was like another stab to my heart... Because well... Its official... Not one of our many small silly break ups... This was for real.. 

And even if I tried I could never get him back.
He doesn't love me...
I'm almost positive he just kept me around for fun... His own enjoyment...

I was stuck with the decision to either block him and never speak to him again..  Or remain friends... We could never be lovers... I guess we never were...

Don't get me wrong... I love him... And I'd take him back in a heart beat... But he doesn't love me...

Am I meant to stay in a relationship where I'm continuously hurt and lied to because I love him? Will I put myself through hell and back to stay by his side....

Sometimes I feel like I'm always eating a jar of peanuts, despite the fact I'm allergic. I know what I'm doing, I know the repercussions ... I knew my actions... I understood them... Yet I still ate the peanuts... Again and again... I kept hurting myself...my body... My mind... My wellbeing...

And I'd do it again.. Just to feel the happiness I have when I'm around him...

But... He seems serious this time... I guess its final...
Guess all I can do is cry my self a river and hopefully drown...