The Cecil Hotel

Chapter 11: Moonshiners

Gil whistled an old tune from the stone ages as he casually scrolled through comments on his YouTube channel. But one comment stood out to him. It was posted by a guy named "max". It said:

hahaha i Stayed in room 1419 in the Cecil hotel too. But then Some Drunk guy wanted My Room and got mad at me for not Giving it to him so i had no choice but to give it to him.. He was so mad that he kicked me in the ass and told me to get high with him, then I saw that the moon looked like an upside-down potato-headed beardedman And he said "You're a real moonshiner now, kiddo!"

"Well look at that," said Gil. "I have a brilliant idea! Now since all of us have at least once broken into room 1419 and drank 18 thousand bottles of whiskey, why don't we become moonshiners? Tell y'all what. I'll find this cool max kid and let's smoke a joint with him. Then we can officially rename the Cecil Hotel and change it to The Upside-down Potato-headed Bearded Moonshiner Hotel. How does that sound, fellow peeps?" Gil said enthusiastically.

"That sounds great!" Mike said gulping down 86 walnuts at once.

"How the hell can you do that?" Gil gasped in envy.

"That's what pigeons did in way back the old days right before they dropped a turd on your face causing you to break a fence and then spending the rest of your life in court because you violated another civilian's property," said Mike.

"Oh ok," Gil said, getting the message that he should probably shut up before Mike calls the Los Angeles child protective services department on him.

"See look I have proof," Mike said handing Gil a sheet of paper that had about 2 billion words on it. It read:

Max is 10.

Max grabs a hammer and starts chopping up a piece of toilet paper.

Max goes to court.

Max has a four year trial.

Max is found guilty on all charges.

Max gets expelled for vandalizing state property and spends nine years in prison.

Owen is 11.

Owen is playing handball and the ball flies over the fence.

"Woooooooow," he says as he watches it bounce up and down onto the street, nodding his head to it. Just then, a car runs over it. The car explodes. The people riding in the car are history.

Owen goes to court.

Owen has a 6 year trial.

Owen is found guilty on all charges.

Owen gets expelled from school and gets a death sentence for first degree murder.

Jeb is 40.

Jeb shoots 62 men dead just for fun.

The person who just happened to walk by him goes to court.

The person has a nine year trial.

The person is found guilty on 62 charges of murder.

The person gets sixty five death sentences and is sentenced to the gas chamber on San Quentin's death row.

Jeb shoots 62 more men dead just for fun.

Jeb goes to court.

Jeb has a two minute trial.

Jeb is found not guilty.

Jeb is free.

Jeb shoots 62 more men dead just for fun.

Jeb moves to Alabama and the case is forgotten.