The Cecil Hotel

Chapter 13: Trump vs Bernie debate

"Sup trump worshipper," said Mike after he walked past Gil. They both slept in room 1419 with their cat who weighed approximately 1,500 pounds and 4 ounces. The cat immediately hissed at them and tried to claw their eyes out for not letting him outside soon enough.
"Geez, take a chill pill dude," said Gil, somehow thinking the fat cat would understand him.
"Hey dude! Trump vs Bernie Sanders debate is on!" Screamed Philip so loudly that the hotel shook.
"FUCK YEAH BABY! DONALD TRUMP IS FUCKING LIFE! ITS EITHER TRUMP OR DIE AND BURN IN HELL FOR ETERNITY!!!" Gil screamed.
Mike shook at the loudness of Gil's voice.
"Wait I thought Hillary Clinton was debating against Trump? Or was I wrong?" Asked Clifford.
"Yeah, but Bernie is still in the race," said Philip finally calming down his adrenaline after he hyperventilated so hard that he flew around the hotel. So they turned on the debate and watched.

"We are very pleased that as of today it has just been announced we won the endorsement for a very important group, the soy and tofu packers union!" Bernie Sanders said in the first debate. The audience cheered.
"For voters who shop at Whole Foods, and yet feel guilty about shopping at Whole Foods, we are winning 92 percent of the vote!" Sanders yelled.
"Alright thank you Senator Sanders..." the announcer began.
"Wait wait wait..." Sanders interrupted. "Voters who are under the age of 21, we are winning 120 percent of the vote!" He yelled.
"I'm sorry but Senator Sanders went an hour and a half above the thirty seconds...."
"I'm sorry I just hadn't been on television this much all year," interrupted Sanders.
After about halfway through Bernie Sanders started moving his hands oddly. When he was asked why he said "I wasn't trying to get your attention Chris I just always hear music, and sometimes I like to play along," Bernie said.
"AW HELL YEAH!" Mike screamed.

2 hours later

"...amongst single women who are under the age of thirty, who have deactivated their Facebook page but are still logged onto it, secretly from time to time, we're winning 55 percent of the vote!" Bernie Sanders began in the second debate. "Amongst families, for whom the bicycle is the primary form of transportation, we're winning an astounding 88 percent of the vote! And amongst white OutKast fans we're winning 91 percent of the vote!!!" Bernie shouted passionately.
"Geez this guy's got spunk,"said Clifford excitedly.
"Mr. Trump, does America need to invest in alternative energies?" The reporter asked.
"First of all I need to say something very important. We have these green energies and...."
"YAY!!! THIS IS THE MOMENT WHEN MY IDOL OPENS HIS GRACEFUL MOUTH!" Gil boomed over the video.
"...And let me tell you I've got a bigger wind farm in my pants than I do anywhere in the United States and talk about green energy when I met this guy, incredible guy, this guy is a duke, his name is David, I don't know his last name. And he has an energy company called Triple K. I don't know anything and I don't know much about them, but he told me about an alternate energy source in this country that apparently has been running this country since it's inception 300 plus years called white power. Unbelievable. White power. There is white power flowing through this country everywhere and apparently it runs everything. Unbelievable. And I'll tell you this, a tremendous power source in the Republican Party has been running on it for over 60 years since the southern democrats broke from the party in something...." Trump began.
"OH MY GOD!!! SEE? LOOK HOW SMART THIS GUY IS! HE'S A GENIUS!" Gil yelled nearly wetting his pants.
"What the fuck dude you don't even know what he's talking about!" yelled Clifford.

"Wow! That was awesome!" yelled Gil. "TRUMP IS SO SERIOUS ABOUT EVERYTHING! HE'S MY NUMBER ONE CHOICE!"
"No no no. Bernie is. You've got it all wrong dude. I love trees. In fact, I worship them and pray every night to them," said Clifford majestically.
"No!!! Trees are sinful! They should be destroyed!!! They are God's worst enemy! Satan is in their soil! Thou Evil presence curse thy soil!" Gil yelled.
They argued for about 4 hours about who was the better choice. Slapping, kicking, spitting, and even throwing furniture at each other until the whole hotel was a big mess. And worse than that, after they both got knocked unconscious, a bird flew over and pecked their eyes out.

(To be continued)