The Cecil Hotel

Chapter 8: Amish Pirates

"Wake up, you idiot!" Gil yelled, kicking Mike's bed so hard that the floor broke and the bed went tumbling down to a seventh floor room, instantly killing the man sleeping in that room.
"Gil!!!!" Yelled Mike from downstairs. "Why the fuck did you do that?! Now look what you did! You fucking killed someone!"
Gil shrugged. "So? It's the hotel's fault for not making the floor strong enough. The staff can take care of it. I'm gonna pack my bags and get myself something to eat."
They ordered some food at the restaurant down the street as Gil cursed at the waiter for not making a table ready for them soon enough.
"Common sense is not a gift, it's a punishment cuz you have to fucking clean up the crap for everyone who doesn't have it," Gil muttered to himself.
"Oh and you think that you have common sense?" Said Mike.

Gil snarled and snorted and barked like a wild animal ready to attack a bunch of pigeons. "YOU FUCKING POTATO ASSHORN OF A FUCKING DUNCE HEAD OF A FUCKING USELESS FOOL WITH NO BRAIN!" Yelled Gil.
Mike shrugged. "Okay," he said awkwardly.

Just then, they heard an announcement on the news.
"ATTENTION! Everyone staying at the Cecil Hotel PLEASE BE CAREFUL! It was hacked and taken over by a bunch of Amish pirates that kidnapped all the hotel staff and are now taking over! We ask that everyone leave the hotel at ounce!"
"Phew. Now I don't have to face telling the staff about the whole fucking bed thing," said Gil sounding pleased with himself.
"But Gil! Do you realize what they just said?! Those pirates could steal all our money!" Mike screamed at the top of his lungs causing everyone in the restaurant to stare at him and Gil like like they were aliens from Mars about to attack planet Earth.
"Oh great now look what you did," said Gil cursing in German.
"But it wasn't my fault..."
"I don't care! Now shut up! We're staying at the hotel and that's final!" Yelled Gil.
"But what about our mon..."
"I have the goddamn money you fool! Now get your ass out of here because we're leaving!"

Gil and Mike walked back to the hotel. But there was no hotel. It was nowhere to be seen.
"WHAT?!!!!!" Screamed Mike so loudly that one of the trash cans fell over.
"What the actual fuck," said Gil angrily. "We've gotta find a new hotel. I think the Amish pirates probably moved it or something," he said.
They drove to Santa Monica and the first thing they saw was the Cecil hotel. On a ship.
"Why Lord have mercy!" Yelled Gil. They both ran out and hopped onto the ship.
The first thing they saw was Philip and Clifford. "Why hello there, fellow crackheads!" yelled Philip. "This is Tutsung, Zooní, Nigel, Gomez, and Chiqua," he said, introducing his fellow Amish pirates.
"This is so cool! We get to ride on a SHIP! Hayah!!!" yelled Mike, excited.
"We already have a million times stupid," said Gil mocking him.
"Where are we going?" asked Mike, ignoring Gil's asshole remarks.
"We don't know yet. We kidnapped the staff and then brought them to a prison saying they committed felonies," said Clifford proudly.
Then they began their journey.

(To be continued)