The Cover Up (Phan)

Chapter 11

Phil's POV

That was a pretty odd dream. I felt my forehead dripping with a liquid- sweat. My chest felt heavy, radiating rapid beats and my breathing quickened. I layed back relaxing my brain. It was just a dream my mind repeated over and over until my breathing and heartbeat returned to normal. At this moment I really wished I had someone. I mean, sure I have my mum but she's rarely home, and when she is her face is always written with fear. Ever since that other night when she walked in on me whilst attempting suicide. I was determined to end my life that night. I had my neck inserted through the opening of the rope created by a tight knot. As soon as my feet were stepping off the wooden stool, in which I was stood, my mum busted in the door. I froze not knowing what to do or say.I saw the tears in her eyes, I felt the pain go away. The pain was  instantly replaced with guilt. How could I be so selfish as to want to end my life because I thought I was nothing, but I failed to see that my own mother obviously knew I was something. 

From that day on she was too traumatized to even look at me in the eye, which she still has problems doing. Usually, she turns away as soon as our eyes meet. But at least I know that one person in this world cares about me,even if they don't express it. Some people don't have that, it's really sad if you think about it. The loneliness can eat you alive. That's why now I am thankful for what I have, even if it's not a complete loving family, it's still something.

But I can't help but to want more. Someone who actually expresses their feelings and accepts me for who I am. I want a special person that let's me be myself around them instead of faking all the time. But let's face it, no one would ever have that kind of love towards someone like me. 

I stopped my long train of thought and proceeded to try and sleep again. As my eyelids started to close the darkness from my eyes shut became flashbacks from my tormenting dream. I could hear the screaming and the loud thumps against my father's knuckles and my body. The haunting memory was like a broken record in my mind. 

I heart raised once again and my vision became foggy as I re-experience a portion of the pain. Loud sobs escaped with every breath the stream of warm tears marked my cheeks. For some reason in between the powerful flashbacks of blood rushing to my mouth and my mum unconscious on the floor, there was a quick freeze frame of a pair of flawless chocolate-brown eyes. 

The mental picture magically relaxed my muscles. The sobs became quieter each passing second and my eyes felt heavy. Those perfect eyes belonged to the one and only Dan Howell. My mouth curved slightly and I felt little butterflies swirling around my stomach as I thought of his name.

It's almost like the image of the young boy instantaneously drowned out the bad memories and filled my mind with beauty. A few minutes later, the dark slumber took over and I fell peacefully lost in those big caramel moon-like eyes...

AN// Hi guys so I couldn't help myself, I had to mention moon while describing dan's eyes... Panic! trash... I promise I will upload more often. Also thank you so much for 500 reads! How did that even happen??? Please I need some feedback cuz I feel like I will delete this soon cuz I don't think it's good enough... Anyways pls comment, vote, share and do all the fun stuff (crank that frank). Bye internet *closes godamn door*