The Cover Up (Phan)

Chapter 7

Phil's POV

I waited a while after Dan got off at our stop. Who would have thought we lived in the same neighbourhood? I desperately wanted to know more about him. Why was he the way he was? Hobbies? Interests? I wanted to know every inch of knowledge behind those mysterious eyes. However, one thing I did know, something that if you pay close enough attention anyone could make it out. Dan was the type of person that kept too many things to himself. I know exactly how that is.

At first, you think it is easy to handle. You find a way to keep everyone from seeing that something is wrong. It is almost like if you create this imaginary switch of emotions. When people are around, that special little switch is flipped. You turn off all feelings from getting to you. You technically feel like a walking inhuman robot. No reactions what's so ever.

Sure this may sound perfect for some people, there is a way to turn off all that bad stuff constantly hating your mind. However with turning the harmful emotions- sadness, betrayal, hate, regret, guilt, hurt, broken,ect.- it is also necessary to turn off the healthy ones too- happiness, caring, excitement, love...

Although you might feel like this is the best solution. That thought is only temporary. Over time, it is like you have used the switch so much it goes into overdrive. You see, the longer the switch remains off, the worse things get. The more powerful all the emotions that have been hidden from the world become. They build up when the switch is masking them, but they don't disappear. Instead, they are just there, waiting to attack. And they sure do. The minute they get the chance they strike, two times as strong.

This creates a routine. Throughout the entire day, the switch is off. Once you are alone the switch is flipped on. All the hurtful sensations come back. Then, your mind drives you into doing self-harmful things, because all that has built up inside cannot be dealt on its own. You feel like you need something, something to relieve the pain. But in reality, it just causes, even more pain, and hateful memories.

The things we do, whether it is long sleeves, effort to stop yourself from breaking down, a fake smile, forced laugh, pretending not to care, or even wearing darker colours, all that stuff are simply just cover ups. And that is the only sad truth. The only way to decrease this horrible feeling is by letting it out. A thing most of us refuse to do. But everyone needs someone. Someone they can talk to, a person who will care about them, that will always say everything will be okay. Unfortunately, it is extremely hard to find someone like that. Some are just in for the drama, which results in a great loss of trust.

I should know I went trough all this with the situation involving my father. I got cut off from my long train of thought by the sight of my front door.I couldn't believe I had been thinking through my whole 3 block walk home. As both of my feet stepped inside the door frame, I immediately rushed upstairs toward my room,where I laid on my bed staring into space. All I could think about was Dan and how he might just be masking his feelings too well. I continued this mind filling process until my curtains were no longer lit with the beauty of sun rays. My room was suddenly dark. Decided it was probably best id I just went to bed and stopped thinking. So I did. The second my head hit the pillow I was out. My mind drifted into a dreamless, dark sleep. That is until a pair of beautiful brown eyes appeared. Even half asleep I could still feel myself smile slightly.

Hello Dan an Phil mystic fairies! Long time no update but yeah there will be more coming soon... I however have no social media available other than this... sorry just personal problems... anyways please comment vote and share...

I love you all thank u for all the support

-Jaz