Excerpts from a Stranger

DIARY ENTRY THREE

Dear Diary,

It's Wednesday... An eventful Wednesday is something one can dream for, but I am just tired of it all. It drains me, every single day drains me but I have no choice but to keep going, after all, the love of my life keeps me going. I was awake at 3am, guilty from the fight we had the previous night, I felt alone and upset at myself since I failed to keep her happy, just for one full day I failed to keep her happy. It was early morning/very late night but the perfect time for me to over think about life, reminisce my faults and what I could've done right in life, imagining myself in situation I most likely will never be in but it's those after-midnight thoughts that make me have a life outside depression, outside sadness, it's those 3am thoughts that fuel me to live another day, hoping one day I will be as happy as I hope to be. I fell asleep minutes before my alarm clock went off, there goes the call to another dreadful day at college.

I was praying that today was going to be different, a better and brighter day, but don't I pray for that everyday?
I left my house quite early, headphones in, jacket zipped, scarf tied, it was a very misty of morning, I had no energy to walk from my road to the bus stop, but I somehow miraculously managed. Catching the bus has always annoyed me, it's either very late or very early, and in both circumstances I'm forced to stand on my two feet, with no breakfast and no energy, I was expected to carry the weight of the world. As soon as I entered the bus, I had to make decision, to catch up on sleep or write about the demons etching away in my mind. The journey to college was exceptionally long, around about an hour, and I had enough time to produce a masterpiece, but with the level of energy I had I struggled to keep my eye lids open. As the journey progressed, on came the hooligans, either drunk or hung over, screaming on the top of their voices about irrelevant crap, my blood boiled at their sight. They really ruined my peaceful mornings. Even with my music on full blast I could still hear them, I just wished the world went silent again.

College *sigh* Another morning of dread, I just wish it was last year again, where the teachers could actually teach, now I've been crammed in a class full of humourless 'clowns', girls believing every guy will fall for them, the nerds with the highest ego thinking they're smart, my class was the joke. My weeks felt like a repeat, a repeat of catastrophes I had no escape from.
Almost 3 hours later, lunch arrived. Probably my favourite part of the day where my friends and I met up for the first time in the day, it was nice having friends, people that could make you forget about your darkness, people that would make you forget your sorrows and help you back up. It felt nice to be part of an amazing friendship, there were 15 of us, and the best thing was we were all valued equally within the group.

Today though, the atmosphere was a bit tense, something was surely wrong. It turns out a friend of ours had got involved in a fight over her boyfriend with another girl. High school drama right? But we had no choice but to get involved, it was 12:30, I was looking forward to going home to rest but I knew this was going to drag on until 5 or 6.

Skip to 6 o'clock.

I was fully drained; physically, mentally and emotionally. Blood dripping and knuckles bruised, I needed to get home, I was on the bus home and every eye was glued onto me, but I was tired to even have a reaction. It was 4 o'clock when a group of boys came for a fight, and they got their fight. I never wanted this, in no means am I for violence, the last time I was involved was years ago, but somehow today I was involved in such drama. It was at least an hour before I reached home, all I wanted was to clean up and get into bed, but I knew it was going to be a long interrogation from my family before I could even step inside my room. My mind was spinning, rummaging for excuses to tell my parents. A dog chased me down? I was running and fell? Or should I just tell them the truth? Decisions were just not my thing.

I reached my house, door number 625, a long trek up my gigantic road, I peered through the letterbox to make sure there was a limited number of people, then I knocked. My sister opened, saw the state I was in and put her hand over her mouth in shock. I asked in urgency, "Mom or dad home?" She replied: "They've gone to pick up Nana and Nani, but what the f*ck happene......" I didn't have enough time I jolted up in order to clean up.
Nana and Nani were my grandparents, my grandparents from my mum's side, they arrived from Saudi 3 weeks ago but I had been so engrossed and stressed from A Levels I didn't have the time to see them, well they must've been pretty pissed off because they were coming to my house, like NOW.

I just needed a long break from this world, just to get my life back on track, it's almost 1 o'clock and I'm supposed to be sleeping, but here I am writing about my day, it's not everyday violence, but it's been a day where I escaped depression, even for one day, that's a start right?

My grandparents are amazing, they were over the moon to see me, and I was delighted to see them, they're such a funny and beautiful couple they make me laugh, they're almost 90 but their romance will never fade away, I call that goals. They went through so much to buy me clothes and a few more items, I felt happy for once, it was 10 o'clock when I realised I was blessed with so much, even though my life was bad I had amazing people and moments with them. I got down and prayed to God, thanking for another day to build memories with my loved ones.

She called me sometime at night to make sure I'm okay, man I love her, even though we fight at times, she cares deeply about me and always checks up on me, man I'm grateful for her. I have never experienced such an up and down day, but it's true; verily with hardship comes ease.

Until tomorrow,
Naeem

• excerpt written by -  Naeem
*instagram @abxndonedsoul*

concept 'Excerpts from a Stranger'
created by Shamim Hussain