sick | jihope

18

jimin ↴ ☆*:.｡. .｡.:*☆

my eyes were blinded. everything was white. i squinted my eyes to regain my vision. i was met by a bright light bulb shining onto my face. god, this sucks. my weak hands went to rub my nearly blinded eyes. as soon as i started to see once again, my eyes darted towards the heart monitor. i'm nearly dead. the squiggly lines were going at a slow, irregular pace. nearly my whole body was attached to tubes and machines.

"how the hell am i still alive?"

suddenly, multiple bodies bursted through the metal door.

amber was the first one to come up to me. she gestured the others to leave the room.

"im so glad that you're alive."

i shook my head, not giving it much thought.

"if only hoseok can see that you're okay."
she whispered under her breath.

"he came to visit you." she said.

i shot up from my position. my eyes went wide. with the biggest grin across my face i asked,

"where is he?"

amber widened her own eyes. my hands went to immediately shut my mouth.

"oh my god, hoseok would've loved to hear your voice."

i removed my hand from my mouth.

"what do you mean 'would've'?"

her face suddenly fell, before returning back to their smiling features. my heartbeat quickened.

"where is he?"

amber had tears running down her face despite the smile that plastered on her mouth.

"he's right here, jimin." she pointed to my chest.

"what do you mean?" i knew too much.

"jimin, we needed a heart donor-"

crash.

all the ivs fell. i took out all the needles attached to my skin.

this wasn't true. he couldn't be. he's still here.

"what do you mean?" i screamed at amber. she looked frightened and taken back. but i could careless.

this heartbeat inside my body

doesn't belong to me.

it belonged to hoseok. he deserved it more than me. why did he give up everything? why wasn't i the one to be giving up my life for him. he did everything for me. he gave me everything.

i gripped my hair tightly, crying hysterically in the corner of my room. my screams ringed in the room, my face red and puffy.

i gripped my chest. it doesn't belong to me. i don't deserve his love. my fingers went white as i gripped onto my flesh harder. this isn't mine. this thing in my body is not mine. i covered my face, feeling myself being drowned.

throughout my hysteric cries, i felt amber sitting down next to me.

"why did you let him do it?" i pleaded for the answer. i scratched my skin as my nails dug into my chest.

"you can't stop a man from loving another person." she removed my grip from my chest and placed a small envelope into my numb fingers.

"read it when you're ready."

a/n: well, that happened. also if you didn't notice, the first paragraph was from the beginning of the story "foreword"