Spencer Reid- Dilaudid

Chapter Eleven

Hotch's POV
Spencer came out of the bathroom and I noticed the worn out, depressed colleague. Not only that but I notice the blood shot eyes like he hasn't gotten any sleep or worse. The scrawny boy also suffered major weight loss completely visible to the team. I gulped and sighed at the same time knowing that I wouldn't be able to fix him no matter how hard I try. You can't, not after what he has gone through. I got up and went to get coffee noticing Gideon stirring his himself.

"Tough case" he mentions

"You have no idea" I reply

"He will be okay"
I head back to my seat sipping on my coffee I glance at Spencer who is now whimpering in his sleep. I slowly get out of my seat not alarming the team to see what's going on.

"Hotch let me out Where are you taking me?" He whimpers again and I don't know what to do. Is he dreaming about me torturing him?

"Reid wake up" I call waking up the rest of the crew

"What's going on" Emily asks rubbing her eyes

"He's having a nightmare" I reply getting angry causing the rest of the team to run over and try to wake him up. Only nothing was working. It was like his brilliant mind didn't want him to wake up.

"No please don't" he cries making my heart fill with sadness.
"Please don't" he calls out thrashing his arm smacking me in the face. I took his arms trying to stop him from hitting anyone else. 

"REID HEY WAKE UP" Morgan yells and Reid's eyes shot open filling with tears only they don't release. He looks up at me then outside the window and blinks away his tears.

"Reid what the heck was that about" Emily asks with concern

"It was a dream, I'm really sorry " He replies and my heart breaks as he quickly runs off the plane.

"He's not going to be okay is he" I ask Gideon again.
Silence.

"It's going to take some time. He is showing signs of PTSD so who knows. But he will eventually get there, the important thing is that he has people"

"He has people. He has us." Garcia repeats holing on to Morgan's hand for comfort. I look at my team filled with a great sadness There isn't much we can do. What am I supposed to do.
I look down and notice Reid's bag is still here, dismissing the team I grab his bag and hop into my car.

***

Arriving at Reid's I knock on the door and wait for his appearance. The door opens and I see the broken agent.

"I brought you your bag, you left it on the plane." I say

"Thank you" he chokes out
"Do you want to come in?" he asks

I walk in and notice the amount of books he has. I had never been in Reid's apartment and this definitely was his style. The curtains were closed and the lights were all off, Reid turns on the lights and heads to the kitchen.

I continue looking around the room smiling when I come to the pictures on the wall of our team, back when thinks we're much more simpler.
I look to my right and notice a chess table clean as can be and I wonder if he has ever used it or if it's his obsession with being sanitary.
Reid comes back out with some coffee and we take a seat on his sofa.

"Hotch, I um."

"Reid it's okay" I cut him off because I know he was about to apologize for a having a bad dream.

"How long have you been having them" I ask genially not wanting to know the answer

"Every night.. Sometimes I just don't even sleep because they get so bad"

"Reid.. I'm sorry, I sort of feel responsible" I say patting him on the shoulder although I know he hates being touched.

"Hotch you saved me. You got me out of there"

"I know but I hate what he has done to you"

"Maybe I deserve it" he whispers

"No you don't. Nobody deserves that kind of pain" I mention setting my coffee down. Reid moves closer me giving me a hug and I embrace him not wanting to forget this moment. This rare beautiful moment.

"Reid if you ever want to talk about it, I'm always here" I say as we release. Silence fills the room until Reid quietly speaks

"He's everywhere Hotch, and I um.. I don't really know.. I can't get him out of my dreams or my head, I mean everything I dream about is related to him or leads me back to him in that cabin, to the people I watched him kill. To the dr..." He stops there and gulps looking at the floor. I try not to profile him but I can tell he's hiding something.
"I just don't know what to do anymore."

"Reid your doing the best you can. What you went through, nobody expects you to be fine. If you need to take some more time off just let me know."

"Thank you Hotch and I'm sorry for hitting you"