Spencer Reid- Dilaudid

Chapter Fourteen

Spencer's POV
I arrive back at the station the next morning hoping no one noticed I was gone for the night

"Hey you guys are back from Texas" I ask

"Early flight this morning. Where were you" Morgan asks

"I was out with a friend I already told you"

"I called you four times" Emily says

"I didn't have cell service so I never got your message until late last night sorry"
Weak

"Right" they both say

"What's going on" I ask confused

"Our unsub's a woman..." says Emily

"Woah this kind of makes sense now, She's copying Jack the ripper. And if I'm right the unsub is planning to kill again."

"They found another body" Hotch calls

"This won't be the only one they find, if she is a copycat she's planning to kill again." I add

"I'll head to the scene the rest of you I want you in the most popular locations, we need to catch her before she strikes again" he says and we all move out.

We arrive at a popular venue, a club full of men and women. I go off on my own but Morgan clings to my side.

"So you going to tell me why you missed the plane?" He pleads

"I already told you I didn't have cell service"

"You know Reid when you come up with a better excuse I'll still be standing right here" He says annoyed

"Dude why do you care? I yell accidentally getting in his face 

"Reid hey, calm down." Morgan says stepping backwards.

"No, I'm sick of this, everyone always on my back for no reason. Just leave me alone" I yell drawing attention to myself

"Your weak boy"
"Shut up" I say trying to get the voice in my heat to stop talking. I realized I said it out loud and was receiving weird glares from Morgan. Great

I grab my stuff and head back to my hotel we've been staying at; I grab my bag looking for my key card and head into my room. My phone rings and I throw it at the wall along with my bag. My Dilaudid flies out and I already know I regret what I'm about to do.
***
I wake up the next morning and head to watch Ethan's performance before I get on the plane with the rest of my team. They caught the unsub last night but I have a feeling I'm going to get fired. I was incredibly harsh yesterday and I feel bad. I shouldn't have flipped out on Morgan like that.

I guess I just don't know how to handle anything anymore.

Two familiar voice break my thoughts
"How did you guys find me?" I ask as Hotch and Gideon sit down right beside me

"You're not that hard to profile" Gideon answers

"Your friend is good" Hotch adds

I glance at Ethan and he looks at me with defeating eyes like he's begging me to tell them.

"I missed that plane on purpose" I say revealing the truth

"I know" They both say

"I think I'm struggling" I say turning and looking away so I don't look as weak as feel.

"Well anyone who's been through what you've been through would" Gideon says

"I thought I was doing so well you know. But now it's getting in the way of my job. This was all I was groomed for, I never even considered another option" I say deeply saddened still not looking at them

"Now your questioning if your strong enough to be here" Hotch questions

"Y.. yeah" I stutter

"I guess the day the job stops nagging at your soul and your hands stop feeling cold maybe that's the time to leave" Gideon adds

I glance at the two fatherly men I wish I always had when I was younger.

"I guess, I just need time to see if I could step away from this job"

"And?" they both say making eye contact with my teary eyes

"I'll never miss another plane again" I choke out

"I'm sorry" I add

"Reid, you need to talk to someone" Hotch begs

"I am... I'm talking to both of you"

"I mean a professional" he says

"Hotch, I'm fine now" I lie really not wanting to talk to anyone

"Spencer it's an order, we can't have you acting this way around the team or on cases" Gideon says and I feel betrayed

"This is what all of you have being doing. Talking about me behind my back isn't it!" I aggressively mention

"Reid we all just want what's best for you and we want to help you"

"I get that but I can figure this out on my own. I don't need help I promise I'm going to try my best" I say looking at Hotch

I'm not talking to anyone. I'm not crazy. I'm fine. Things are fine, Dilaudid has been helping me. At least I hope it is.

"Reid, we're not done talking about this!" Hotch yells as I storm out of that place.