Them..The Vanoss Crew.

#29. Who even am I anymore?

I closed my door and leaned against it, God I feel like such a fucking horrible person about everything. Ashley, Evan, jon, brian.
I just want it to be all okay.

But that's not going to happen.

I lay back down on my bed, feeling like I wanted to fall asleep and not wake up. I lay there, my eyes trailing off out my window, looking over the city.

I quickly sat up on my bed, I could go back to my appartment, back to who I was before Evan decided that he was gonna fuck my life up.

I got up, throwing on my jacket and boots. I got to the door and stopped, all sorts of thoughts ran through my head. I walked over to the window, picking up the photo of me and Evan.

I folded it and put it in my pocket, looking around my room, I walked back over to the door and slowly turned the handle. Opening it just a crack to see if anyone was there.

No one, the house felt dead and empty with all the tension between us all. I walked out closing my door behind me, and walked downstairs.

I got to the front door and just before i got out, got that feeling of being in a prison away;

"Pulling another one of your stunts huh?"

You know that feeling you get when your out real late and someone just appears out of no where? That feeling of "im going to die."

I turn around, Brians standing at the bottom of the stairs, arms crossed. I laugh through my angry smile. "And what position do you think you're in to say anything like that to me?"

I say as i slowly walk toward him, looking him dead in the eyes." Now that i think about it, i wish i cut deeper." My face fell blank, and my face flush with fear. Where the fuck did that come from?!

"And you know exactly what im talking about... your face was priceless..."He says, running his hands down my arms, i close my eyes and try not to hit him, try not to let the fear get to me.

He got closer as his hands reached mine, close enough to feel his breath on my face. I felt him kiss my forehead, and whisper:" Try not to die."

I felt that strangling heat in front of me move, but i was still frozen in place. I open my eyes, to my relief he was gone. Fucking psycho.

I pick up a pack of cigarettes and run out the door, the tears streaming down my face. My whole life was fucked, the only people i knew now were everyone in that house, and i don't plan on going back there for a long time.

I walked, seeing nothing but the concrete roads turn to dirt and the breeze get colder, walking up to the vinewood sign. I stand at top of the hill, close my eyes and breathe.

What was I to do? I had ruined my relationships with everyone in the group and I was responsible for the death of one of my supposed friends.

Leaving the city crossed my mind, I could just leave and never have to worry about the consequences or Evan wanting to come and kill me.

Yet, i had left too much of a mark on everyone for them to just forget me. I could only sit there, cold at the top of the world in one of the "best cites in the world."

Cold, Broken and alone.

narrative pov

With raven being emotionally brought down, the whole gang was also dow, almost as if she was the powerhouse of us all.

And that if she stopped burning bright, then so would everyone else. Hours turned in to days. and the days turned in to weeks, without any proper communication between us all, all we had was nods and blunt questions if we were ever acknowledged.

Evan and jon were the ones hit hardest by the outage of her character, i guess no one ever realised how depressing and sad we all are until we get that one person.

That one person that always have you up and running no matter what, even if they are hurting too, they'll always go to great lengths to cheer everyone up a little.

She took our minds off everything.