In My Life

Chapter 19

CHAPTER NINETEEN

I stumble up the stairs leading to Marius' appartment hoping that he is still there. I have to convince him to go back there with me.

You might get me wrong; I don't really care about this revolution. I just know that I'm tired of breathing. I'm tired of living. I'm just done... But I'm scared to go alone. If Marius is there, maybe he'll ease the pain. And then I wouldn't die on my own.

"Monsieur!" I shout. "Marius?"

"Go away!" a very tired voice answers. "I don't want to see anyone."

"Monsieur!" I insist.

I hear footsteps coming towards the doorway.

"Just leave me, Mademoiselle, I-"

And then the rest of his sentence gets caught in the back of his throat as he opens the door and spots me standing there.

"Oh," he says. "I thought it was Cosette."

"Sorry to disappoint."

"It's completely the opposite, actually. Please, come in, Mademoiselle Eponine."

I hesitate at first before shaking my head.

"I can't," I reply. "We don't have time."

"Time, Mademoiselle?"

"You have a revolution today, if I recall."

"Oh..."

He turns to go back inside while leaving the door open for me to come in.

"I know it means a lot to you, Monsieur," I tell him, coming in behind him. "What happened that made you so upset?"

"Nothing happened."

I follow him into the small living space and lean in the doorway.

"I heard something about your grand-papa..." I start.

"That's not it."

"Then what-?"

He spins around in a flash to face me.

"I..." he stutters. "I think I'm in love."

My heart just sinks in my chest. I know he's not talking about me. No one ever does...

"That's it," he continues. "I'm not sure if I want to go to this revolution. If I die, Cosette..."

"Cosette will be fine," I snap.

"But Ep-"

"Listen to me, Monsieur," I say. "You guys have been planning this thing for a while now. The boys are ready. Enjolras is stressing like mad. All that's missing is you."

"I'm not sure if I can..."

"Marius! Wake up! This revolution is bigger than all of us. Remember what Enjolras said: nobody cares about your lonely soul."

Marius immediately jerks his head up.

"This is it," I continue, ignoring his reaction. "This is our time. There won't be a second chance, Monsieur. Either grab it or watch the others go forth without your help. The decision is in your hands."

I turn to go, hoping Marius will come running after me to come join us. But no, he just lets me leave. I slam the door shut behind me and walk back down to the streets of Paris.

That's it. I tried. If Marius wants to put his stupid life with Cosette as top priority, so be it. He never saw me there. I've lost him anyways. I've lost everyone...

"Hey, watch out, boy!"

"Sorry," I reply in the most masculine voice I can manage.

"Yeah, you better be!"

I turn the corner and spot the funeral procession heading up the street. Good, I'm just in time. I lower my hat and make my way towards the group of students eagerly waiting their cue.

And suddenly, my heart skips a beat. Because standing right next to Enjolras is a guy I was sure wouldn't come. Marius. I pick up the pace and tap on his shoulders.

"Monsieur," I say

He starts to turn around.

"Eponine, now's not the time to-"

The words get stuck in his throat as he sees what I'm wearing.

"God, no," he tells me, grabbing hold of my arm.

He pushes me away of the group without losing grip.

"What are you doing here?" he hisses while trying to keep his voice down.

"I could ask you the same thing," I point out.

"I decided that my place is by my friends' side. I'm participating in the revolution."

"Same here."

"God, Eponine, the things you do... Get out before the trouble starts." He pushes me away. "Get out, 'Ponine, you might get shot!"

"Like all of you..."

"Out, now," he barks. "I don't want to see you here."

And then he turns around and goes back next to Enjolras. If he thinks he has seen the last of me, he is so wrong...

I'm about to sneak in from the other side of the street when the students decide to make their move. Soon the whole procession is chaos until the soldiers arrive. And when I think it can't get any more like a fiasco, the first gunshot is heard.

"To an innocent woman!" I hear someone shout. "Murderer!"

And then the real chaos erupts. I take a deep breath and, without thinking, run into the middle of it all.