Mystified Musing's

Who knows

I've been lying here in bed all day, because I'm so depressed I simply have no will to exist. I'm hoping that maybe if I lie here long enough I'll slide through my bed, the floor, and sink away into the earth. See, I don't know what the original trigger was today, perhaps it was burning my pancake, perhaps it was having my music shut off, might be anything. All I know is that I don't want to move. I don't want to live,I don't want to die, I'm just an existential entity in this mindstate. The very same mindset that I lived in for years, previously. The very same mindset that labels me a sociopath, and scares everyone away. Now I'm the one who's scared. I'm terrified I'm losing control, that I'm gonna let my disorders destroy me, and all those I care for. I can't keep fighting them back, eventually I'll break, I'll collapse under the weight of years of self control, and it's going to be bad event.. Best of luck you all