Really, Baby (I Will Be Just Fine)

22

The party, in essence, is wild.

The second Hoseok, Yoongi, and Namjoon arrive - by foot because their dorm hall is within walking distance - there’s already people laying face first on the lawn, topless, surrounded by scattered solo cups and bottles. Others are along the sides or in shady corners, pressed close and swallowing each other’s tongues. The music is thumping pretty loud, and Hoseok is sure he could hear it from their room a few blocks down.

Seokjin isn’t hard to spot, even in the dark lighting of the room. His tall and handsome build is easy to recognize from where he stands in the throng of people near the living room, playing drinking games of all kinds as people cheer loudly. Bodies press tight against his as he maneuvers himself through the entrance, sweat-slicked and heavy against his arms, back, chest, and he’s already lost Yoongi and Namjoon in the crowd. He struggles to get past a girl that’s long gone by now, twisting her hips in attempts to hit the beat of the music, but it’s all off and some of the alcohol in her hand barely misses him  as he pushes past.

Thankfully Seokjin spots him struggling and meets him halfway, grabbing him by the wrist and pulling him to the table where two teams are engaged in an intense game of Flip Cup. Hoseok recognizes a few of them as Jiho, Jimin and Taehyung’s reggae-singing coworker, Park Kyung, resident playboy in town, and Kim Yukwon, a fellow dancer in the school’s underground dance team. There’s a few others he knows by face, but can’t remember by name.

“Glad you came,” Seokjin says near his ear, the smell of alcohol tickling across his cheekbones.

“Of course,” Hoseok shouts back, flushing when he turns and Seokjin is much closer than he thought. “Wouldn’t give up free alcohol for the world.”

“Oh, I see how it is!” Seokjin laughs, resting a hand on the small of his back. “Using me for alcohol, huh?”

“And good music?” Hoseok says meekly, grinning.

“Is that a compliment?”

“Yeah,” Hoseok says, shrugging. “Let’s call it that.”

Seokjin laughs again, locking gazes with Hoseok for a long moment. “Stay here,” he says. “I’ll get you a drink.”

Two solo cups in and Hoseok is already feeling lightheaded, head fuzzy as the music shaking through his bones begins to fade into background noise. Seokjin is still pressed close to him, and Hoseok’s throat is starting to feel sore from cheering so loud as they watch the Drinking Olympics.

But even with a dizzy mind, Hoseok can’t seem to understand why Seokjin decided now to make a move on him. He knows Seokjin is too nice of a person to be scheming something or just simply trying to get in his pants, so he rules that out of his suspicion. He can’t help but think someone had spilled the beans about him crushing on Seokjin for the past year. It’s embarrassing, but he can’t find himself feeling too ashamed because the way Seokjin has an arm hanging loosely around his waist, well, it doesn’t make his stomach flutter with butterflies or send shivers all throughout his body. It confuses him so much that any sense of embarrassment he has from Seokjin finding out about his raging crush is buried, like unease on birthdays because aging is never a good feeling.

Just then, Hoseok spots Yoongi from the corner of his eye with Jimin, bodies moving languidly against each other to the music, lost in their own world even in a crowd of partying college students. It’s nice, he thinks, how the right people can make you forget everything around you, like discovering hidden bookstores in the city. Seokjin is gorgeous, he’s nice, he’s gentle, he’s everything, but he’s not. All at once. Seokjin does not make him forget reality or this wild party they’re in the center of, but maybe, Hoseok reasons, it’s the alcohol speaking.

Before he tears his gaze from Jimin and Yoongi, Hoseok sees Taehyung’s familiar head of hair in the corner of his eye. Taehyung is wearing the baseball tee he always wore, the one he had on the day they got lost in the city, trying to look for the skate shop for Taehyung to get his penny board’s wheels replaced. By the time they’d gotten everything done and were ready to head back to campus, it was already midnight, and Taehyung had dragged him into the nearest gas station to buy M&M’s and icy drinks for the ride. He’d fallen asleep on Hoseok’s shoulder in the subway on the way back, his tongue blue and red and purple and hands cold like winter, so Hoseok wrapped their hands together and sighed. That time was the first where holding Taehyung’s hand felt familiar.

Hoseok watches as Taehyung ducks into the kitchen, disappearing past the doorway. He turns back to Seokjin and leans in to speak.

“I’m gonna go look for Namjoon real quick,” Hoseok shouts and pulls back.