Smoke Colored Bench

hate

I hate myself for not being stronger
Being choked by the stench of self hatred
And crumbling beneath my mask
I hate that I'm so hazardous
Killing everyone around me
And having no one love me
I hate that I hate people
For something that isn't their fault
That my anger
Costs them everything
And costs me everything
I hate that all I do is hate
Yet I can't seem to stop
The sound of things breaking
Overwhelm me with a happiness
That I want to hold onto forever
So I have to keep hating
To keep satisfying my demons
And I hate that my demons keep winning
And that my heart is so broken
My soul dimming
My hands bruised
I hate that I am trembling
That I have faded
Into nothing
That I am nothing
Just an empty shell
With nothing left to live for
And that's the ugly truth that I hate the most