I Could Never Leave Your Bed (Mike Fuentes)

Chapter 11

“Sammy,” Jack’s voice snapped my attention away from Mike. “I’m so sorry.” He looks absolutely terrified and I can’t help but to think that it’s because he saw me in that state.

The only people who had ever witnessed a full blown panic attack from me were my father and the Fuentes family. Mike and my father were the only people who could stop them, who knew what to do. It was different each time, the things they would have to do. Mike certainly didn’t need to kiss me, but he did, and my mind keeps trying to come up with answers as to why. I know what he’s said before, that he cares about me, but I can’t let myself think that he has real feelings for me.

“Fuck you.” Mike’s words snap my attention back to him. He’s furious. I can see from the way he’s shaking that he’s trying to control himself for my sake, but it isn’t working. His eyes are deadly and locked on Jack’s, and his words are like venom. “What the hell were you thinking? You pretend to be this knight and shining armor for her and yet you can’t fucking tell when she’s about to go into a panic attack? You know fuck that! If you know she’s had an abusive past why would you grab her like that?”

“He didn’t know, Mike.” I speak up, stopping Mike entirely leaving him to turn around and look at me in shock. He wasn’t expecting that, that I’m positive of.

“What?” he breathes out the word in pure disbelief, and I’m sure he assumed that Jack was his replacement. That Jack was the person I told everything to, but after Mike, I couldn’t bring myself to trust anyone enough to tell them everything.

“She didn’t fucking tell me.” Now it’s Jack who is furious. “She never tells me anything. Do you know how frustrating that is? Telling Sam, that I’m there for her, and yet she never tells me why she always sounds so panicked when she calls me. The only times she calls me are when she’s running away. I have never asked her why,” he stops shouting and Mike and his eyes reach mine. His voice softens as he continues, “Sam, when I saw those bruises I didn’t know what to think. I wasn’t thinking. I just needed to know what was going on. I never meant, I never meant to…” he stops and it’s apparent that he’s done with this conversation and that he needs time to himself to think. “I’m sorry.” It’s the last thing he says before he turns around and runs back into the bus.

It’s quiet for a couple of minutes, as I stare at the bus door. I don’t even realize that tears are running down my face until Mike brushes them away. I had no idea that my silence with Jack had taken that much of a toll on him. I had been open with him before. Not completely, but I still told him what I was thinking. I still told him the things that were bothering me. That was before my father died. All the progress I had made had slipped away. I didn’t realize that that shift had made such an impact until now, and I knew the only way to fix this was to tell him everything. But not right now.

“Hey, why don’t we go back to the tour bus?” Mike says in a soothing voice that’s mixed with concern, and I want to scream because the way he’s been taking care of me only complicates my feelings for him. I want to say no, to stay away from him. To get rid of that traitorous feeling that being around Mike invokes, but I can’t be alone right now, and he knows that.

“Okay.” I breathe out, and I let him pick me up, because I’m still too disoriented to walk on my own; still too dizzy from all those memories to even make an effort. As I close my eyes I lay my head on his chest and wrap my arms around his neck. I can hear how abnormally fast his heartbeat is, but I don’t want to think about that, I just let the noise wash over me and calm me.

I don’t even realize that we’re on the bus until the arguing reaches my ears. Instantly I feel Mike tense. My eyes open automatically so that I can read his face, but he puts me down and continues down the bus before I can look at his face or even question what is going on.