I Could Never Leave Your Bed (Mike Fuentes)

Chapter 12

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Mike asked while Vic was pleading with me to do this. I really didn’t know what he saw in Emma, but I could tell he cared about her. I had made the decision once Vic had asked me. I would do this for him.

“Yes,” I let out a sigh, “But only because of you Vic.” And with those words a smile broke through Vic’s face as he engulfed me in a hug.  I couldn’t really be happy at this moment because I could see the confusion in Mike’s eyes with the underlying pain. I don’t see why he would feel this way, if anything he should be happy that he gets to pretend. It’s what he’s good at after all.

It feels like everything I came here for is gone because of this lie. I hardly see Jack anymore. I can’t, or else she gets suspicious. I used to spend all day with Mike and cry myself to sleep in Jack’s arms, but now I can’t even talk to him without Emma giving me that devilish grin like she knows all my secrets. She’s looking for a way to get back at me for making her look bad in front of Vic. I wish Vic could see that. If he knew then I could stop pretending, then I wouldn’t have to spend every day lying to everyone about how happy I am to be with Mike.

Well, I am happy that I’m with him, that he says all these beautiful things to me, that he holds me like he never wants me to go, that he kisses me like it’ll be the last. But I can’t handle the fact that this is just an act. This isn’t real. I keep telling myself that, but I’m falling for him all over again, and I’m scared for the day when this is over, because he’s going to leave again, and I’m going to be broken again.

The last day of tour, that’s when all of this will end. We’ve already spent months pretending, it’s only a week or so now until this is over. Mike knows why I keep crying myself to sleep, because each day is another day pretending, another day where it seems like he loves me but it’s all a lie. It doesn’t help that I’m sharing a bunk with him; it isn’t going to help when this is over, when I’ll toss and turn in my sleep because he isn’t there. I can see how much it hurts him. He tells me every day I can stop, but I can’t. I know Emma is looking for a way to break any meaningful relationship I have with Vic, and I can’t lose any more family.

It’s hard on all of us; everyone who knows. That includes Jack, and Pierce the Veil. Tony is the only one I can talk to. Jack won’t understand my reasoning, he says that I should just stop and when I try to explain he dismisses it and says I’m doing it to stay with Mike, but that’s not true. Vic is blind to what Emma is doing, and I don’t think telling him about what she’s really doing is going to blow over well. Jaime doesn’t know what to do about all of this and he doesn’t know as much as everyone else does. Mike, well, I need my time away from him, and it’s always hard doing that with Emma breathing down my neck. That leaves Tony. He’s been my lifeline throughout this whole thing. Sure, I can talk to the other bands, but I can’t really talk to them about any of this.

“What if I told him?” Tony asks, and it pulls me out of my thoughts.  I find myself shaking my head, dismissing the idea.

“He won’t believe you. He won’t believe anyone who tells him. She’s got him so wrapped around his finger, he won’t see it.” I tell Tony. He looks so frustrated; he won’t give up, not like me. I know there isn’t any way out of this. “All I can do is wait.”

“What if you left?” Tony asks and suddenly it’s like his mind is racing trying to figure out a way to make this work. “Break it off early, and leave. The only way she can hurt you is if you’re here Sammy, it could work.”

I find my lips curving upward at the use of my nickname. Tony has been calling me that all the time now, and I can’t help but to smile every time he does. It’s strange to think where we were at the beginning of this tour. Then his words sink in, and I can’t help but to mull over his answer. It’s so simple, and it would work, but there’s something that could possibly get in the way.

“What if I can’t leave him?” my voice is so emotionless. It’s been like that for a while now. The panic attacks have stopped but that’s only because I’m constantly with Mike, I’m constantly pretending. It’s been such a drain on me that I find I can’t really feel anymore.

“You need time away from him, from all of this. I know you love him Sammy, anyone can see that, but this isn’t healthy for you. This isn’t fair to you. You need to get out before this tour is over. I know there’s only a few more days, but it’s gone too far already it needs to stop.”

“Okay,” I let out a shaky breath, “but it has to be when you guys are playing. They can’t know what I’m doing.” Tony looks at me with those sad brown eyes of his, and I know he’s hurt that he won’t be able to say good bye but he nods anyways. “We have two days off. I can survive two more days.”