wish i could

the odd group

She wanted to cry. She wanted so bad to stop and sit and to ball and let the tears pour down her face. She wanted to show emotion. She wanted to be held and cared for and told that it would all be OK. But she couldn't. No matter how hard she tried to break down and let herself go the tears would not slide down her cheeks. She had been strong too long, she put on the fake face for so long that she could no longer feel. She stopped herself from thinking about it too much and went back to scanning the area around her for places that might still have good food. She was at the top of one of the tallest buildings and that made it easy for her to study the small city. Most of the buildings were still intact here but other places got hit a lot harder and were way more torn down. She spotted a small shop that looked like it might have sold food and made a mental note of where it was and what direction she needed to go. She sat down and stared out at all filth left from the downfall.

Morgan crawled down her back and stood in front of her and looked at her with a tilted head as if asking her what was wrong. She stared back into the eyes of the curious reptile. The large bright shiny blue spikes that went down her back stood up on end. She was almost three feet long and displayed herself with great power and beauty. She was slender and bright green which made the spikes that ran down her back and framed her head stand out. Her head was still cocked to the side in question. Emma petted the top of Morgan's head to show prove she was stable, and Morgan closed her eyes and made a deep hum to show pleasure. When Emma stopped stroking her head Morgan began to chase after the bugs on the roof and eating the ones she caught.

The door to the roof opened revealing her little brother Noah. He looked worn. His thick jet black hair looked neat compared to the rest of him and it covered his forehead with long strands of perfectly placed hair. His bright green eyes had old black bags under them and his cheeks were bright red against his pale skin. He stood in the doorway with his hands at his side and looked at Emma. She looked back, and they were both quiet. The silence was cut by the crunching of a bug being eating by Moran. They both looked at her as she finished her meal. Noah even broke a slight smile for a moment. Emma sat up and point toward the shop. "That's our next stop, we will hit that and then we ditch this city" Noah looked out and squinted, when he saw where she was pointing he nodded in approval and readjusted his bag. Emma looked at Morgan who promptly crawled up her back and perched on her shoulder and then she takes the small group away from the roof and through the building until they were outside in the streets.

Her blonde untamed hair swayed from side to side as she walked. Morgan played with it quietly. Nature was slowly taking back the city. The pretty pots that were full of decorative flowers and shrubs, were now cracked and overflowing with weeds. The asphalt had cracks and holes through it, and long vines draped the sides of once modern buildings. Emma made a game of guessing what they the buildings used to be in her mind. Most of the signs were covered by mold or the paint had worn to the point where nobody could tell what the once said. She saw a small shop with broken display windows. There were mannequins on their sides and they had dirty cloth draping over them and small chains around their necks. She guessed it was a clothing shop. She passed another building. It had tinted windows but she could see desks and chairs in the inside. She guessed it was an office.

They did not say much. There was never anything to say. They were shells, a body with no soul, surviving but not living. They walked for a long while looking out at the empty world. They were slow and everything looked gray. They only had to walk three blocks but every step felt long and took effort. Ever since the downfall time seemed slower and more valuable. She found a distant fussy memory of her mother. She was getting ready for work and had picked up her set of keys. She seemed in a hurry and was rapidly grabbing for the things she needed to get out the door. Her black hair hung at her waist, it was straight and well cut and looked soft and shiny. She was in a nice shirt and pencil skirt. She would have looked professional if she had not been tearing up the whole apartment looking for her last stack of papers. She looked as if on the verge of tears as she looked around her desk and through her filing cabinet, "where is it," she muttered, "I swear I left it right here" she said, this time with a little more anger in her tone as she glared down at an empty spot on her desk. She shuffled through her papers but managed to hear a sound that stopped her and made the whole room quiet. she did not take her eyes up from the papers but listened to the sound of sniffing. She let out a breath of air and took a few seconds to process what she was hearing. And then she looked up and meet the eyes of her daughter. The child's eyes were full of tears and she sniffled uncontrollably. The mother calmed herself in the best manner she could and stood up at her full height. She looked down at Emma, and asked In a motherly way, "Emma, why are you crying?"

There was a pause. Emma looked down, "you wanted me to draw a picture for you" she said through the sniffles

"and why would that make you sad?" her mother asked. Emma went to the couch and reached in its cushion for a mess of crumpled papers with bright colors scribbled over neat paragraphs and charts. She walked up to her mother with her head hung low, and handed her the papers.

Her mother looked down in shock. "I had to show these to my class today" she whispered, "I had worked for hours on these, my students have been waiting for these notes" she said to herself this time. She held a breath of air in her, and then she grabbed her keys and slipped on her heels and walked toward the door. She held her hand over the knob before turning to Emma "the sitter will be here in 5. Behave for her" she opened the door and walked through it. Emma sat and watched it shut. Warm tears crawled over her cheeks.

She thought about how before the downfall people were in a hurry. Everyone wanted something, and everyone worked painful jobs for hours on end to get it. Her mother had spent days on the papers but in the end it did not really matter. Her day was full and busy, and she always had something to do. She had such little time but only worried about filling it with work. And now Emma had plenty of time, every day was long and slow and seconds were filled with silence, and all she wished for was a few small minutes with her family. She could not believe that her mother had given up the time with her, to do work. It just did not make any scene. Her mother had a wonderful life with kids and a husband but she had given them up. If her mother had only known in the end paperwork would not matter.