the heartbreaker

↠ dearnumber3

dear number 3,

i guess it is to you that i should apologize the most.

i broke your heart into tiny little pieces while i came out unscathed, ready to date as quickly as a snap of my fingers, while you came out broken hearted.

you, although not the first girl who's heart i broke, was the first one on a long trail of girls i would pick up, kiss, fuck, and drop with no cares at all in the world.

you see, you are number 3.

number 1 is the girl who broke through the barriers i had been building up for years, and no matter how hard she tried, the overwhelming frequency of the narcissistic teenagers had me leave what i could be behind for who i became.

number 1 is a girl who should have done much better than me, but she didn't.

you and i were perfect. we both didn't give a shit about school, spent too much time toying with the other gender.

but it seems that while i just did it for fun, you did it as a coping mechanism.

and i ruined that.

with me, you told me it was like you finally found a breath of fresh air, and little did you know that it was slowly poisoning you.

i was a bad boyfriend- a terrible one.

and while before we dated, i saw much of you, and once we broke up, i never saw you again. you didn't come to the parties anymore, and we never saw each other in school anyway- separate lunches, separate lockers, separate lives.

i don't think it would've worked out between us under any circumstances to be honest. our lives were so separate in the first place that even when we were together we were apart.

i thought you would realize how much of a dick i was sooner and break up with me, and we wouldn't have to deal with the whole heartbreak thing.

but i guess i gave you too much credit, and myself to little.

as it seems, the heartbreak was imminent.

although i do realize i must apologize, a girl like you should have realized that a guy like me loving someone, staying faithful, was too good to be true.

my past should have sped that realization up even more.

you still did break up with me. and i still really don't care. but i had already cheated on you, both emotionally and physically. so, if our relationship was game, i still won.

i hope you finally see that i am fucked up. i am a bad person, and your heart should have been fine after me, because i never cared in the first place.

it's tragic how many girls cared for me with no feelings in return. tragic how many girls have fallen for a fuckboy- the same fuckboy, even when knowing my history. tragic that you are already number 3 on an ever-expanding list.

i am sorry for breaking your heart, but you just never should have fallen for me in the first place. i'm bad news; a bad influence.

from,

someone finally being honest.