This Boy; My life as Ftm Transgender[discontinued]

[3] Coming out anxiety

It was about December 2015 when I started thinking about telling other people about my situation. No one new about me except the fact that I am a major "tomb boy". The thought of coming put though was terrifying and I was scaring myself shitless.

It doesn't matter if your gay or bi or any part of the lgbtq+ community, it's just scary to come out to others. Being my weird stupid crazy self, I decided to think about how everyone would take the news. My thoughts started out happy, like they would except me. But then it got darker, and darker. I really don't know why, but when I think about situations like this I freak out along the way and think about the worse case scenarios. I imagined my friends ditching me, my dad beating me, my dad disowning me. My mind can go into some dark places.

It took me until January of 2016 after my birthday (my BDAY is January 4), so I would say around the 20th or so, to come out to my friends. The first person I told was my forever best friend Marissa. We are polar opposites but I think that's what makes us best friend.

When I told her she looked at me confused for like a second, then smiled and hugged me. I was a little confused until she said "I'm so proud of you". I melted and started crying. (I'm so flippin emotional XD). After that I told my friend Sarah and of course she was all like "I knew it!!!". XD She knows me too well. I then told all my other friends and they were totally supportive. Turns out almost all of my friends are either gay, pan, or bi. It's a whole lgbtq+ community at my school XD.

I'm bisexual BTW 😊

Anyways yes. My friends were easy to come out too. But then I started thinking about when I would come out to my dad. I got soooooooooooooo much anxiety from it I felt like dying (metaphorically). I was like 'what am I gonna say what am I gonna do WHAT IS HEEEEE GONNA SAY AAH'. Literally my thoughts. I ended up freaking myself out until February 8 the NEXT MONTH until I finally had the " courage " to come out. And when I say courage it wasn't really courage it was more like 'if I don't tell my dad now I'm gonna explode' type of courage lol.

No I'm literally going to tell you the EXACT story of what happened ALL THE WORDS ARE REAL I DIDNT EXAGGERATE ON ANYTHING!

*rolling*

Me: "D-dad... I-i........... I-i.........."

*36 seconds later*

Dad: "Common' just tell me already I'm not gonna stand here forever"

Me: *speaks super super quiet*
"I-i..... I-im.. T-trans-sg-gend-der....."

(I have bad stuttering problem when I'm nervous.)

Dad: ".... What do you mean your transgender?"

Me: "I-it means I'm a b-boy on the inside and a girl o-on the outside...."

Dad: "....."

Me: *internally freaks out and screaming on the inside while looking pale af  on the outside*

Dad: "... We'll.... talk about this later alright? I love you no matter what."

Me: *dies*

So that's how I came out. We never talked about it though. I don't even have a binder or the haircut I want yet. I think tomorrow or so I'm gonna ask for a haircut. I JUST WANT YALL TO KNOW THIS MOMENT FREAKED ME THE FRICK OUT LIKE EEEHNHH.

But I did it :)

And I'm happy because of that

BTW IS ANYONE ELSE GOING TO THE MELANIE MARTINEZ CONCERT TODAY IN LA WOOOPP IM GOING SEE YALL LATER BAES!!!!🔪🔪🎂🍼🍼🍼👶👶