This Boy; My life as Ftm Transgender[discontinued]

[17] Not so good...

So this isn't really gonna be trans related but I just need to vent my feelings.

The first thing is that I've been put back in counseling. So now I have to talking with my counseler which sucks.

The second part is super long so, bare with me.

So I don't never told you guys this, but my dad drinks a lot when he is upset. And at this time in our lives he is super stressed and upset because he is unemployed and we are loosing money. So that means he's been drinking, even though he fucking promised that he would never fucking do it again.

So that led to today, which fucking sucked.

Before I even STARTED walking home from school, I texted my dad a picture of a painting that I'm doing in my art class. He replied with "WOW". Now to you guys, you might think 'what's so bad about that?' Well, he never uses capitals. Ever.

So in my mind I was like 'well, okay... that's weird' because it really is. At least with my dad. So then I just started walking home ignoring that scenario.

But then I turned the corner to my house and saw a bunch of broken shit in the trash cans outside. I literally stopped dead in my tracks because this has happened before, but that didn't end well. So I was there framing the fuck out because I didn't understand what was happening and I know, I know these sound super dumb and stupid but to me and how my life works, this is strange.

Anyway, I just cautiously walked in and my heart was racing for no reason. My dad comes around from the hallway taking loud steps and greets me. But its the way he talks that  scared me soooo bad. When he's drunk, he is either super emotional or in rage mode, which luckily he wasn't in rage mode. He started talking really loud and hugged me to the point where I legit almost couldn't breathe. It was also super obvious he was crying.

By this time I'm freaking the fuck out and I practically run to my room and call my oldest sister about it. She started freaking out too, since my dad's mood could change in an instant, he could hurt me.

Not surprising really. Its happened before.

So all of a sudden as I'm on the phone with her, I hear I loud crash from sorta where my front door is. So by my front door we have two plastic pillar things, just for decorations and stuff. My dad fucking fell over. He fucking fell over. So I couldnt really do anything, one because I was feaking out and two because I was fucking angry as hell that his was happening.

So this whole time I'm on the phone with my sister so I tell her everything that is happening and she tells my other sister. So then she tells me my other sister is driving over go my house to talk to my dad and take me away from there, to just go with her to her work and shit.

So yeah blah blah, she gets here I leave and still freaking out feeling numb and all this shit. This update is probably really shit and probably doesn't sound as bad as it actually was in real life but yeah, sorry this is all over the place.

I'm gonna go now. If you want me to explain better then just ask.

Also happy late valentines day.