Letter 1
Dear Abby,
I wrote down a big list of the people I should write to. I decided to pick one of the people who changed my life the most as my first letter.
I remember when I was about 2 or 3, my mom dressed me in a white tights. They itched and I hated it. But when my mom let me wear a pink leotard and tutu, it instantly made me feel better. I felt like a ballerina, and I guess that's what every little girl wanted to be.
She put me in the car and took me to the studio. She took me inside, and I saw you. I'm not gonna lie. You scared me. I just stared at you. I remembered Mom and you talked for about 5 or 10 minutes, the whole time I stared at you.
Your hair was frizzy and sticking out everywhere. It was pulled back by a pink headband. You were wearing a black ALDC shirt and black pants. I thought you were a freak, and the whole time I was wondering, 'Why am I here? Is my mom going to leave me here with this freak?'
Mom introduced us, and she left me. You took me to the studio, where I met Chloe and Paige. They were about 4, and they were showing off their relevaes and plies. I was jealous, so I begged you to show me how to do them.
But you wouldn't. When I got home, I told my mom about Paige and Chloe. I told her that I wouldn't to be a good ballerina like them, so I continued to go to ballet. You eventually showed me the relevaes and plies, and I was so excited.
I remember doing plies and grande plies with Chloe and Paige on the barre. I felt so excited that I could finally be like them.
I wonder what Baby Maddie would think if she saw me dance.
Anyways. This week we had pyramid. Even though the show stopped, you still had pyramid. I still don't understand why you do it. Because of it, dancers quit the studio. You put a girl on the bottom of the pyramid because her little sister cheered when she won 2nd. I'm dead now, Abby. You can't punish me.
So I'm going to say it.
You were sometimes a bitch for no reason.
During pyramid, I was nervous. Last week I forgot part of my solo, but I improved. I was hoping you would be proud that I didn't cry onstage and run off. I mean, like you said, I'm 16 now. Well, was. But since I was 16, forgetting the solo was even horrible.
I regret even improving. I should've just done horrible so you would feel guilty. I know you don't feel guilty, but you should. That one thing you did at pyramid was one of the reasons I finally killed myself.
Back to pyramid. You had told us the day before that the group number would be ballet, so I brought my pointe shoes. Everyone else was wearing leotards, while I wore a crop top and booty shorts. I felt naked, considering everyone else was in a black leotard and white tights, and all I had on was basically a bra and booty shorts.
You gave me a disgusted look. A look that made me feel like crumbling to Earth. A look that said, 'Don't count on Maddie Ziegler. She's not that great, and she doesn't get the memo that for ballet you wear a leotard.' You turned back around, but I still felt horrible.
According to everyone at ALDC, I was the favorite. I guess it was true. But that look made me feel like I was no longer the favorite. Just because I had forgotten to wear a leotard.
You started at the top. I already knew I was at the bottom, but I was kinda relieved. I already knew you were gonna scream at me, and if you started at the bottom like usual, I would've broken down.
I don't remember much about the pyramid. All I remember was that Kendall was on top because she won Junior Miss Dance Pittsburgh. I bet now that I'm dead, Kendall will be the favorite. I'm glad I took all my costumes from the studio. I hid them somewhere where no one will find them. I didn't want you giving away my solos to my ex-best friend.
Back to pyramid again. You ripped off the last sheet of paper and tossed it on the floor. I saw a picture of me. My hair is in curls all around me. I'm wearing a light blue Sally Miller tank top. I look happy, but I know I'm not. I caught Greg and Mom fighting that day, so I was truly unhappy.
I'm a good actress, huh?
You stared at me with that look again. It was disappointment mixed with anger mixed with hate. I didn't see what the big deal was. Mom said she didn't even know I messed up until I told her. But you can't believe her.
*Flashback*
"Madison." Abby said. I gulped and stared at her. The room was silent. "You are 16 now. How are you the girl who came home with title after title each week? That was not the girl who landed a role on Drop Dead Diva and got 8 callbacks for Billy Elliot. That was recreation dancer work. If you improv, at least do something good!" She exclaimed.
I felt tears gather in the corners of my eyes.
"You did horrible! Who goes up there after having 2 weeks to practice a solo, and forgets it! Then for improv, just leaps and turns around the stage! I remember when you learned a solo the day of a competition, went up there, and won first! You are certainly not an Abby Lee Miller dancer."
"I tried." I whispered.
Abby laughed. A laugh of hatred and pure evil. "Tried? That wasn't trying at all! Just get out! You are no longer on the Elite competition team!"
I ran. My feet ached from the competition. My eyes burned from tears. My face was hot as the sticky tears ran down my face. The taste of salt covered my lips and tongue. I ran into the Dancers Den. No one was there. I collapsed down on the floor. I curled up on the ground, head on Kenzie's jacket. I covered myself with Nia's warm up suit and cried.
The walls were sound proof, so I didn't hide that I was crying. My eyes were puffy, and I was sure makeup ran down my face. I cried and cried. She had broken me.
I heard the door open and two pairs of footsteps. I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned around. Kendall. I sat up and shoved her arm away. "So you suddenly care?" I spat. Hurt spread across Kendall's face. "What do you mean? I'm your best-"
"Since when? I saw you laughing with Chloe when I started improving. I thought you were there for me, Kendall. But you know what you are? A back-stabbing bitch." I said sharply. I slipped my feet into my Uggs and put on my jacket. Kendall stood there dumb founded. Nothing to say.
And let me tell you. It felt good.
*End of Flashback*
Abby. Abby Lee Miller. I can't believe you were the woman who was my second mother. I think it's funny that when you open this, you'll be smiling when you read the first paragraph. You'll say 'I changed her the most.' But Abby, influencing isn't always good.
Sincerely,
Madison Nicole Ziegler.
Your favorite student.
