Letter 7
Dear Josh,
I remember when you used to dance with Chloe and Paige in trios. They were 4 and you were 5 when you first started doing the trios, and I was 2. Even though I had just started dancing, I wanted desperately to dance with you.
I know it was stupid. But I thought it made you older and cooler if you danced with a boy. The seniors always danced with older boys, and I felt like a baby because I didn't get to dance with a boy. I mean, I technically was a baby, but you get the point.
I remember when I was 5 and it was Valentine's Day. We had dance that day. Abby decided everybody should wear red or pink and we would have a Valentine's Day party. I wore my prettiest pink leotard and made my mom put my hair in a bun. I even had bought a valentine for you... It was Spider-Man.
After the party started, I tried to find you. I hurried into Studio B, where the party was. Then I saw you and Chloe, sitting at a table, sharing a heart shaped cookie. And that, Joshua Hyland, was my first heartbreak. I know you were just eating the heart shaped cookie with her, but after seeing it happen, I knew you didn't want anything to do with me. You probably still don't.
So, I got my own heart shaped cookie and sat with Paige. We laughed at you and Chloe. Even though I had secretly wished I was the one eating the cookie with you, I didn't say anything. I knew Paige would be mad at me.
So, I tried to tell myself the whole day: I don't like Josh. I don't like Josh.
But deep down inside, I truly did. I liked you when you fell on the ground onstage and Abby made you cry. I liked you when you clapped for my solo. I liked you when your hip hop solo beat my tap one, even though I acted mad. I liked you when you called my leotard ugly. I liked you when you shoved Paige and made her twist her ankle.
I liked you when you shoved me in the pool at your house. I liked you when you cheated on Kendall with Amelia. I liked you when you scored for the other team during the big hockey game. I liked you when ripped up my homework because I said I hated you.
I liked you when you rejected my date with you. I liked you when you spilled your ice cream sundae on me. I liked you when made fun of me for getting a bad grade on my sociology test. I liked you when you ruined my 12th birthday cake.
I've always liked you Josh.
But I knew I wasn't good enough for you. I was fat. I had ugly hair, that was always frizzy and ugly brown. My eyes were just bland blue. My nose was too big. My lips were too thin. I just wasn't perfect.
Now that I'm gone, Chloe can love you all she wants. That perfect little bitch.
Sincerely, Maddie
