Letter 12
Dear Kalani,
I remember the first day we met. Abby had invited us to be on AUDC, and because Mom did everything Abby said, I was forced to go.
It's not that I didn't want to meet the dancers. I was just so tired of being dragged from place to place. Mom would say it was helping me become a better dancer, or Abby wanted us to, but I honestly didn't care. I hated having to go places just because Abby or Mom wanted me to.
When I got there, all the dancers screamed and ran up to me and Mackenzie. Mom was talking to Abby somewhere, so the producers told us to go into the room where we would start filming. I was used to being told what to do by camera men, so I went in.
All the dancers, ran up screaming stuff like, "Oh my gosh! It's Maddie and Mackenzie Ziegler!" I'm pretty sure I've heard that a million times in my life.
Kenzie and I eventually got seperated. We were both being bombarded by questions, and by now the camera men had stopped filming. A bunch of fangirling little girls wouldn't make good television.
I was getting annoyed. Then you yelled, "Hey!" and the room went silent. Even the camera men looked confused. You stood up on the couch. "Stop freaking out! They're people too!"
Some of them backed up from us. You smiled, got down off the couch, and came over to me. "Hi! I'm Kalani."
We talked for a while, and I realized we had so much in common. I had seen you dance a few times before at competitions and on YouTube.
That was the first time in my life somebody didn't care that I was on Dance Moms. They didn't care that Abby favored me, or that I had a lot of titles, or that I was in the Chandelier video. You just cared that I was me. We talked about something besides dance for once in my life.
We got each other's phone numbers, and I thought I would never talk to you again. We texted and FaceTimed and stuff, but I never thought I would ever see you in person again, except for maybe a competition.
But then you joined our team. I was so ecstatic, I didn't know what to do. You spent more time at my house at that time more than at your own. We had a sleepover almost everyday.
Sometimes, when you spend so much time with a person, you just want a break. You want to say: You know what? I'm so tired of just hearing your voice and doing the same things with you.
But with you, it was different. I could spend day after day, week after week with you, and never get tired. We would stay up all night, just talking and playing games. It was way unlike Kendall, who got tired around 10 o'clock.
We would make up duets together, make Video Stars, do each other's makeup, pretend to be Miss Abby, and just be free. For once in my life I didn't feel like I was forced to be perfect Maddie. I could say bad words in front of you, send you ugly Snapchats, tell you how I felt about people's dancing, etc. It seemed like everybody had this perfect image of me except for you. And I liked it.
But then you had to go back to Arizona. You didn't want to be tied down at Abby's, so you packed up your bags and flew back to Phoenix. My best friend was gone.
I didn't know how to feel. We still talked, but it was different. There was a different time zone, so when I was leaving dance, you were either just starting or in the middle. Club Dance was always doing stuff, too. You would be performing somewhere or having extra rehearsals.
So whenever I texted you, you would either not respond or say, "Can't text. I'm busy." It hurt me, because I felt like you didn't have time for me.
I kept trying to communicate. I would text you all the time, saying how I missed you, and how you should visit sometimes. I tried so hard, because I wanted to talk so desperately.
I guess one day you were just tired of me texting you, because you finally texted back. I was excited, and I unlocked my phone. Your response? "Just stop texting me. I'm too busy to talk to you. Why haven't you figured this out already? Just forget about me."
And you know what I did? I went to Instagram, changed my profile picture, deleted all my pictures with you, threw away my shirt we bought that was really cute, but we bought it together so we could match, deleted all my pictures and videos, and lastly, deleted your contact.
Then I laid down and cried. Because I hated you. I absolutely hated you. I wanted to scream in your face, punch you in the gut, and yell cuss words at you over and over. But on the other half I wanted to hug you, talk about memories, and ask why you hated me. I was confused, because I didn't know what I did. I felt like you had faked being my friend the whole time, and I felt fake.
Now I don't have mixed feelings about you. Now I just want to go back in time and tell little Maddie that she doesn't have to trust you. Or anyone else.
And by the way, Kalani? I hope you burn in hell.
Love,
Maddie Ziegler
