Relaunch

The rape

I am raping a child. It's dark and cold. It's raining. I am raping a child. Oh, no. Where I am? Why am I doing this? I'm a beast, an animal. I can't stop myself. I am trapped into that body. I am inside a monster's body. Or is it me? Am I myself? I am screaming but no sound can be listened. My mouth is full of blood as I am punching my head to this child's face. I need to scream out loud, but no sound. My mouth doesn't respond to my commands. Scream. The scream only sounds inside my brain. I am raping a child. I can't see if a boy or a girl is. Too much blood in the hard, cold rain. The child is unconscious. Please I need it to stop. Scream. Stop. I can't scream. Please scream. Please anyone come to stop me.

I am crying, screaming, but the monster in me doesn't stop. Or I am inside the monster.

She is a girl. She is a very young girl. She can be 6 years old. She is not dead. Yet.

I am locked in that brutality. Can't do anything. This beast is raping and forcing and breaking all bones of this little girl. I am crying.

Don't beat her. Please, stop. Stop. Don't beat her in the face. I am going to break her skull if I don't stop. A long silent scream forces out my brain in a moan of suffering and pain.

I finally screamed as I woke up. I can't stop crying. My bed is wet and my hands full of sweat, same as my body. My face. My eyes. Tears and cold sweat. I didn't remember having a nightmare like this never ever in my entire life. I can't remember seeing anything so brutal and so disgusting in my life. I am feeling a strong pain in my chest. I need to call the doctors.

I get up and go to the bathroom to wash my face. My eyes are still crying and the pain is calming down. I feel emotionally breakdown.

Now I realized it. I am scared this dream could be related to my past.