Relaunch

The worst date ever

- Who do you think you are? Do you think you can just get a work in the place I use to go and threat me like this? Please go on with your bullshit because I am thinking about calling the police and see you in court.

I waited until Amanda ended her shift at Marcia's and, when she pass though the entrance door of the coffee shop she was dressing jeans and a sweater. Her hair, before caught with a lock, now looked long and slightly curly. When she sit with me in booth she didn't look nervous or tense.

- Hi Alan, I am sorry I came to you so direct. To be honest, I work for New Life. There are some things I am allowed to show you, but on others I must remain silent for the good of us two.

- I don't think I have allowed this to happen.

- Yes, right. But you had a dream last night. A dream that has to come with your past. The thing is that having this dream means something in your brain is not completely adjusted to the relaunch.

- Amanda, last night I slept just fine. Everything is ok. Why you said I have a daughter and why it should be revealed now and what for? I am sorry, I don't accept that. I called the doctor and he told me everything was just fine. I was just going to wait for the next visit, the conversation would be plain and normal as everyday in all these last years... some jokes, some chat, some control questions and back to my normal life where I am so happy and so great not to have known ever in my life anyone like you or from this New Fucking Life in my personal, strictly private, life.

- Alan. This dream. It will come back and get more real.

- It's just not possible that this dream becomes more real. It was real. Oh, shit. I thought for a moment that in my past life I could have done something so insane and so brutal that I just...

- ...thought for a moment what was really the part of your past you need to remove that bought you to New Life years ago, to start a new beginning at what cost. This is the beginning of a bulk of feelings related to erased memories that would make you suffer. You had just one dream, yesterday you slept like a baby, but there will be more, and more often, more real and more revealing.

- What if I don't want anything else to be revealed?

- Your brain says you want to know. After all these years there is something knocking in your brain that wants to come up.

- Amanda, you are the worst date I have ever had in my whole life.

- Well, as far as you remember! – She laughed. – Good to see you smiling, Alan. For a moment I thought you had lost all your humor sense.

There was no point in being upset or mad with Amanda. As long as she has been honest with me, there is not much left to hide. She is part of New Life, but I really don't understand why this is not being worked out in my psychologist monthly appointment. Why outside New Life labs? Do I have a daughter? Why is that I just don't feel anything about her? This just can't be true. I know enough to be completely sure that I wouldn't agree to make a relauch to myself and just forget I have a daughter.

- Amanda, tell me about my daughter.

- Oh, no, it doesn't work like this. You should ask whatever your curiosity is and I will fulfill it within my possibilities.

- Is she dead or alive?

- Bingo! This question is out of my scope to answer. But just to set things in place: this is not the important question. For whatever reason you decided to remove her so, dead or alive, this person is not the key.

- Today I know I have or had a daughter and it's not important if she is dead or alive? What the fuck! Amanda, are you crazy?

- Believe me, Alan. You don't know what happened or why you decided to get relaunched. Nothing about this would have been revealed if your brain didn't scream to you in dreams you needed to face this emotions again.

- I don't understand a word, Amanda.

- It's not important about your thoughts, but your emotions. Your memories were removed, but some emotions related to this may appear and disturb you. You wouldn't never guess what was erased in your brain, and all your perception of your life has been adjusted to live without these memories. Dreams are something different. They come from a different source. They are made from emotions that were hidden all these years. Now you need to face them, want it or not.

- This dream – I was so afraid to ask – has something to see with my daughter?

- Of course it does, Alan.

- You fucked me off, Amanda.

- This kind of pain heals, Alan.