Relaunch

The murder

I am hitting the head of a man to the ground. It's light and sunny day in a forest. It feels cold but my hands are burning in blood. I am crying and screaming but seems nobody is around. I see a cabin there. My face is sweating. I can't recognize the face of this man. I think I probably hit him in the face with a stone because all the face bones appear mixed in a bloody mixture. His skull is also broken.

I'm again a beast. But this time I don't want to stop. I just want to kill him even he is already dead.

I see the body, he is tied by the hands and feet by a plastic rope. I see pieces of tape around his face. His mouth is broken and so the teeth. I already ended up.

I look at his body. I can't believe this mess.

His arms and legs are smashed, probably with the stone I used with the face. I see his bones are broken and probably I smashed them when he was still alive. Why I did that? What I am? I have never seen this man in my life, but again I feel that my chest and heart are in hard pain. I can't stop screaming and crying.

The sun beneath the leaves. The cold autumn and the hot blood. Why? I am screaming of pain and suffering. Also crying when I woke up.

I don't need to understand this is something related to my past. I am now sure. I still feel this pain and suffering and don't even remember what would have happened. I don't understand my feelings, my dreams full of brutality. I just feel, and it hurts.

Amanda said this kind of pain heals, but I don't think so. I am getting sick of sorrow.

She also said the dreams would be more revealing. This dream probably was. Maybe I was a murderer and a rapist? Maybe I needed to remove all this primal animal killing instincts? I can remember even have just killed a fly, but maybe my brain got fixed. Or, at least, partially fixed.

Maybe there is something I need to solve, find whatever the girl and that man were. I don't think I can live with this suffer if I can't nearly understand it.

I woke up, get into the shower. Can't stop crying.

I need to know more.