On This Death Bed

Chapter 1

"I remember the day like it was yesterday. I remember siting in the backseat of my mother's car ,looking at all the pretty fall colors, on the way to the doctor for a check up. I remember the doctor coming back into the room after the test results came back and telling my mother that I had cancer and I wouldn't live to see 18. Over all I remember all the times people lied to me, and said I would be okay; when I knew that I wasn't going to be okay. I had excepted my faith, but no one else seemed to be able, so I had to stay strong for myself because I couldn't count on anyone." I say while laying in bed looking at the ceiling while all Kira could do is sit by me listening to me raddle off my mind to her.

I knew it was just as hard for her as it was for me. Not because she had cancer, but because I had cancer and it was like having cancer for the both of us. At least my cancer will physically kill me, but my cancer will also kill her mentally, and I don't know which is worse. I knew that when I'm gone she will remember me the me before I got cancer and lost all my hair the me that would come to school and sit in the back and only smile when I saw her the me that was me before the cancer became me. I knew I would always be her best friend even if I couldn't return the favor, because our friendship is not about being there for each other physically, but about being there mentally and feeling the pain together.

"I want everyone to remember me not as the girl that tragically died of cancer, but as the girl who used to love life until life decided that it didn't love me back." I was finally able to turn my head slightly to the left to see Kira balling her eyes out, but I knew she didn't want me to stop.

"I believe that when we die that we will be born again into same person, but in a different life. I'll never be able to tell you if this true or not, but I hope oh I hope that one day in a different life that I see you again even if you don't know its me and I don't know it's you. I hope that one day we will see each other again in a different life" I was basically crying myself.

I know that even when I'm gone she will still save me a seat in every class we had together even though I will never show up to class. I know that even when I'm gone she will visit my grave and talk about her day and her problems even though I won't reply. I know that even when I'm gone she won't forget me.

"I remember when it finally hit me that I have cancer and that I was going to die. I remember when I tried to kill myself because I did want the cancer to win. I remember how you stopped me because you didn't want to say goodbye to soon so I stayed not for me, but for you because I don't want to hurt you, but I can't do that forever and I'm sorry. I remember when the doctor said that the cancer was causing my heart to fail and I should start saying my goodbyes. I remember when I was walking out of history and I passed out, but you were there to catch me like always. I remember at the hospital when the doctor explain to that their wasn't enough oxygen getting though my body so I had to carry around an oxygen tank. I remember how my father left me and my mother because it was all to much for him. I remember how my mother started distancing herself from me so that when I died so could tell herself that we weren't even that close, but I didn't blame her because I was pushing her away for that reason. And I most defiantly remember how you aways stuck by my side even when I tried to do the same to you." I was basically talking to myself because I don't think she could hear me over her sobs.

I knew that Kira would never be the same after I died because we had been best friends since kindergarten. She had never known any different, and neither had I, but I won't have to. Because while I'm dying I'm also killing her.

"Remember when our 8th grade english teacher asked if we could change anything about ourselves what would we change, and I couldn't think of anything to write so I turned in a plan piece of paper, and when she asked me why I didn't write anything I told her that it's blank because I am nothing and you can't change nothing, and when she told me to go back and correct my mistake so I wrote down that I would change mind into an open book so you read my life story. Then I would change my eyes into windows so you could watch it like a movie and see things though my perspective. She then felt the need to read it out loud, and then the class started laughing which only proved my point even more. Man that teacher hated because I had such a start mouth. I guess she wasn't aware that I had cancer because all the teachers that were aware of my situation went out of their way to make me feel better. I loved that teacher because she didn't treat me any different from the other students because she didn't know" She looked at me and smiled.

I think that when I'm gone this is what I'm gonna miss the most. Not her crying as I'm laying on my death bed, but remembering the good times we had and the moments that made both of us forget that I was dying of cancer.