On This Death Bed

Chapter 8

        After the funeral things were just off. I don't really know how to describe it. It's just weird, this happens a lot to me I guess this time it's different since Ashton isn't here to talk about it with. School is the worst I just want to lay in bed all day, but I have to go to school all day. I just sit in the back alone at the table Ashton shared with me. Ever since her passing I just have no motivation to do anything anymore because my best friend isn't there to do it with me and no one to share the memory with.

        My mother wants me to see a therapist, but she wants me to agree to it. She says she doesn't want to force me to do anything, but I believe she's about to. It's  a daily fight between us, there's lots of yelling and crying in the house. I suppose it's my fault I have been irrational lately. I really want to talk about it, but I don't think anyone would understand how could they when I don't even understand. I suppose I could go to the therapist at least once just to see how it goes. I'm not doing for my sake, but my mother's and our relationship. 

        I told her I would and her face lit up like a candle. She has been begging me to since Ashton's death two weeks ago. She made the appointment for next Wednesday after school. I was not looking forward to it, but my mother defiantly was so I didn't say anything; I don't want to ruin her happiness like I have been in the past couple of weeks. It's not fair to her that she has to suffer just because i'm being stubborn.

        It's been a week since my mother made the appointment with the therapist, and today  was another day I was dreading. My mother picked me up from school and drove us downtown to a little building. I'd been here before with Ashton after she got sick the doctor wanted her to talk to someone about it and her feelings. Ashton didn't want to go alone so I went with her that way she knew if she needed me I just out in the lobby waiting for her. I wish she was here waiting for me in the lobby, but I knew if she was here I wouldn't be.

        Mother parks the car out front and we walk in together. It was cold in there with the scent of sorrow just like the funeral home. We only waited for like ten minutes until the doctor that could supposedly heal your mine came out and called my name. I looked at my mom one last time and she gave me a reassuring smile to let me know everything is okay. So I got up and followed her to a little room in the back. It was a small room with a comfortable feeling to it. There was large bookshelf in the far corner of the room with tons of books. There was a small love seat  on the left wall surround by three large chairs. In the middle of that  was a small circular  table with a few magazines on it, and some books.

       "You can sit anywhere you'd like" She said motioning the the little sitting area. 

       I sat in one of the large chairs around the coffee table, and waited for her to start. She took a seat next to me in the other chair and put a clean sheet of paper on her clip board and looked up at me.

        "So this is safe place and can say anything you want and it will just be between me and you" She reassuring me. I just nodded, I wasn't much of a talker to people I had just met.

        "So how are you?" She questioned. 

        I just looked at her. What did she aspected I just losted my only friend? I was regretting this already. I didn't want to be mean so I kept my mouth shut and just shrugged again.

        "So your mom informed me that you haven't been yourself since your friend Ashton died a few weeks ago why?" she asked. I didn't want to be here so I shrugged again.

        This went on for awhile just going in circles. That we until one specific question caught my interest.

        "What did you love most about Ashton?" She questioned.

        "Her words" I did have to think about it long I knew what I loved about her.

        "There you go. That's what going to give you closer write about life. Write a book about your time together I thing thats what you need to give you closer. At least think about it please." She begged.

        We ended our talk there and she walked me back out into the lobby. My mom was so engaged in her book that she didn't even notice us until I sat down beside her. They talked for a couple of minutes until her next appointment showed up. Me and my mom walked out to the car. We got in the car, but she didn't start it. I looked at her puzzled.

        "So do you want to go back?" She asked.

        "I don't think i'll have to" I confessed.

        "What do you mean honey?" She questioned 

         "I'll explain later I need do something first, but you'll see" I reassured her.

        She looked at me funny, but excepted my answer. She knew that if I did't tell her it must be serious. We got home half an hour later and I ran up to my room. I flopped down on my bed and pulled out my phone. I texted Haley to see if I could meet with her tomorrow to talk about a few things that are on my mind.   

        She texted me back a few minutes later and said I could come over around 1 tomorrow. Me and Haley have made it a priority to get every once in awhile to just talk. I turned on the tv in my room and began slowly falling asleep.