On This Death Bed

Chapter 5

        The next day when Kira comes over my mother spears her the talk about how my cancer had reached my brain. I'm not sure if it was because of our talk last night or that today will be my last day on earth. Last night I passed out due to the failing use of my body. My mother called Dr.Baker, but there's nothing he can do. He told my mother they could take me into the hospital to make me more comfortable but that's all. I didn't want to die in a hospital I want to be at home where I will be more comfortable than any doctor could make me.

        Kira came in with  tears streaming down her face and crawled in to bed beside. This is what I wanted I wanted to be in my room with my mom and Kira. When I looked at the door way I could she Kira's mom standing there with a sad expression on her face. I hadn't seen her in awhile so it was nice of her to come by and see. I suppose she pulled Kira out of school after my mom called her telling her I didn't have much time so she better come say goodbye.

        My whole body hurt, my mind hurt, the air around me hurt. I could stand the physical pain spent my whole life practicing for this moment. I just couldn't stand the pain Kira was feeling. I think that's what hurts the most about cancer not the actual pain, but the pain that everyone else feels. It hurts because your causing everyone else's pain, and there is nothing you can do to lessen the pain because their is no pain killer strong enough for the mind. So all I can do is lay here feeling guilty for hurting everyone else while i'm on my death bed.

        "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not telling you everything that I needed to tell you, but the time has come for you to learn somethings on your own. Don't worry i'll be walking beside the whole time. So even if you don't see me know i'm there helping you learn these things. I don't want you to be lonely so know i'm right there with you though your new fight. The fight of living without me. I think you'll win, but if you don't know i'm right there waiting for you on the other side of that light." I comfort her in the only way I know how to. By talking philosophical.

        "I know. I know because we vowed to always be there for each other, and even death won't break that promise. I know because you will fight for me. Like that one time in forth grade when these boys were picking on me so you and went over and kicked there asses. Even though you got suspended for a week you swore you would do it again because I mean more to you than a little suspension." She knew the truth was the only way to make it though this heart breaking time.

        "I love you as much as the earth loves the rain when in a drought, and the ground begins to crack begging for the cool liquid to fall from the sky and just as the earth begins to give up a drop of water falls from the sky landing in the crack. After awhile the Earths trust the sky to never let it go without rain, so they make a promise to always be there for each other. So far the rain has always come even if it's a little late, but the earth forgives it because it came and thats what matters." I tell her knowing she knows what I mean.

        "I'll miss you like trees miss their leaves in the winter because just as it gets cool they fall to the ground to keep it warm. So the tree watches the leaves lay with another, but knows soon the leaves will come back to it soon so even if the trees can't be with the leaves it can watch them and wait to be reunited because the tree knows that the leaves will come back to the tree one day. Kira you are my leaves and i'll watch you and wait for you to return to me." I tell her the things I need to in the only way I know how to. by avoiding the real problems.

        She cuddle closer to me. I kissed her on top of her head as if I was kissing her mind because that is the only part of her that she'll be able to take with her after dying. So before I can leave I must learn to love the part of me that makes me hate everything else. So I learned to love her mind because mine is eaten up with cancer, but sadly I can't take it with me so until we can be reunited I will learn to love mine until I can love hers again. 

        "I won't have to stop loving you because i'm putting you in the place that is in charge of love so you can protect it from others that will take it until they don't want it and just drop. The worst part about that it won't shatter because it has already been. So I need you to help duct tape it up just well enough for it to function even if it's not perfect." She tells me.

        "Always keep moving forward in life, never look back. That way on your death bed you can look back on your life and watch it like a movie, and not get bored" I tell her because I know this is my final peace of advice. 

        "I want you to kiss me so we can say that cancer didn't kill me, but the love of my best friend did" I smile at her knowing this are my last words.

        She turns over her soft lips meeting mine for the final time. The heart monitor starts going dead, but even as our moms watch us we don't stop until I can't continue because the monitor is just a straight line, and i'm not scare because Kira is with me till the every end.