Seven | Book 1 (An EXO fiction)

15.

~Chapter 15: Humpty Dumpty Had a Great Fall~

"Good evening guys." The atmosphere feels weird, and having them all suddenly shut up at my reappearance feels even weirder. They had to have been talking about me then...

I don't blame them. I would have done the same thing had I been in their shoes. They stare at me with eyes full of pity. It makes me feel irrationally angry. I don't want their pity. I don't want them to look at me like I'm some kid who's dog just ran away. "Look guys, I'm sorry for freaking you all out earlier. I'm totally fine now. No worries." I nonchalantly walk into the living room, and plop down on the couch that Kris stands in front of.

"No." Tao looks at me angrily. "You aren't okay. Tell them." I only tilt my head in confusion. He groans agitated. "Don't play dumb right now June. I have only once see you like that, and I swore on my own life that day that I wouldn't let you go through that again if I could help it. You and I both know you aren't okay if you acted the exact same way you did that day."

The day that he's talking about is one that I can only partially remember, but I know what he's trying to get at. It was some time ago, before I had stopped stealing and abusing the drugs that I was supposed to be selling. One day, I had taken too many opiates, enough to kill myself. I can't recall if that was the intention or not, but I was on the brink of dying. He had found me after I apparently started screaming. I don't remember that happening, but he told me that he found me screaming, and then I passed out right in front of him. He said that he took me to the hospital and borrowed someone's T-Card (that someone probably being Kris) to pay for my medical expenses. They had to pump my stomach, and keep me under watch for a full two weeks.

I promised him that I'd stop after that. Seeing him cry every time that he visited me and begging me to stop broke my resistance. I didn't want to stop. Not since they were the only way for me to escape. It was difficult, but I did it. For him I stopped. I look down at my feet embarrassed.

Did I do the same thing today as I did then?

"What happened?" Tao asks firmly. "Tell us what happened." The firmness fades quickly as his voice cracks. I look up to meet the four worried gazes around me. As much as I want to keep it to myself, I know that I can't just keep it all in right now. They won't let this go, and I can already tell that they'll worry over this for who knows how long if I don't just explain.

But where would I start?

How would I start? I'd have to break down my walls to get anywhere and that scares the shit out of me.

As it is, my protective fortress is basically non-existent with Tao. He knows all there is to know about me, and as dangerous as it is, it gives me the ability to confide in him in ways I can't with anyone. I've let both Kris and Luhan inside of my little fortress, but I've left them to stare at tall walls that project the images that I want them to see. I've left nearly every door locked so that they don't stumble upon the things I'm not ready to show. Jongin has weirdly enough been thrust right in to my protective fortress as well, straight into a couple of rooms, but has been given no direction or way of knowing what it is that he's seen.

I don't know if I'm ready for them to finally see what I've been trying to protect, but I don't think I could ever be ready to display my own vulnerability. I have to let them see it for themselves. I have to finally let them see the girl I've been hiding in my own castle. I have to let her come out of hiding to face them all head on.

For them to all see me as the pathetic little girl that I actually am I have to start from the beginning.

So I tell them my story.