only us // sdmn

×twenty-three×

Josh quietly nudged the door closed behind him as Simon was still sound asleep, clinging onto him.

The house hadn't changed a lot.
It looked a lot more untidy, though.

He walked down the familiar hallway knowing exactly where everything still was, and took Simon into the living room to place him on the sofa to sleep.

He moved Simon's arms from around his shoulders and let him move them to where he was comfortable before sitting down himself.

No new changes had been made to their old living room, it still looked the way it did around 6 months ago.

It took Josh a while to notice everything on the coffee table opposite him.
A sheet of paper with scribbles over it , a small box, and a photo frame that contained a picture of the old Sidemen, but one was missing.

Simon had cut himself out of it.

He picked up the frame, looking at the photo.
It was an old one from a photo shoot they did long ago.

It made Josh smile, but he set it down where he found it on the table and looked at the sheet of paper.

Dear Josh,

I re-

Whatever was there had been scribbled out and was unable to read.

The box next to the paper caught his eye next.
He tipped it slightly so he could get a view of what was inside.

Inside was a stack of folded sheets of paper, which made him curious to what they were.

He took the sheet on top and unfolded it to see a scribbled note.

Dear Josh,

Have you heard from anyone that's still..

Around?

Have you kept in touch with them?

I wish I did.

I regret everything.

I regret deleting my messages.

I regret telling you all to grow up.

...I regret leaving.

I made the hugest fucking mistake I've ever made.

I wish I could turn back time,

No reference intended,

And put everything back to normal.

When we were all happy.

And I hadn't brought on this whole thing.

And I hadn't caused some of my best friends' suicide.

Honestly, why do I write these?

You're not reading them.

You never will.

I guess it's some sort of habit.

A bad one.

Love, Simon x

The fact it was addressed to him made him happy, so he decided to read another.

Dear Josh,

It hurts knowing you're not going to see these,

Or read these,

Or reply to these.

But now I realise that I did the exact same for 4 months.

I hate myself.

And I'm pretty sure you all hate me too.

You have a right to.

I'm sorry.
But saying sorry can't do anything now.

Love, Simon x

He wiped underneath his eyes to dry the tears that were threatening to fall and sighed quietly.

''I don't hate you.'' He whispered, turning to look at the sleeping boy.