Broken

Chapter 7- "What have I Done?"

Ever since that night with Raquel, the night I told her about what I really am. That I wasn't human like she had previously thought. My feelings for her grew stronger. I've never felt this way before about anyone. I would always would feel butterflies inside me when she'd walk by with that sweet, warm, kind smile.
Though my happiness never lasted when it came to sleeping at night. My nightmares would feed on these feelings, haunting me every night with horrific images of Raquel, being held prisoner by Sacks and Quinn once again. Being tortured and beaten and all I could do was watch. I would wake up in the house middle of the night, every night in a cold sweat.
Other times my nightmares would start of as rather pleasant dreams. I would be lying in bed with Raquel close beside me. My arms would wrap around her slim, curved waist. Breathing in her relaxing aroma of her lavender perfume. Her body would be pressed up against mine. The only peaceful moment where I could escape the cruel reality from the outside world...but it would never last.

* * * * *

Raquel layer on top of my plastron, both of us were tangled in the bedsheets. Her head rested in the crook of my neck. Her pale green, nude body felt so smooth as I touched her scaled skin and caressed her soft cheek. My smile instantly faded when I heard her make a soft growling noise.
"Raquel? "
"Don't touch me." Her tone of voice was dark and cruel.
"I'm sorry, I just..."
"Just what Leonardo? You think you can play me for a fucking fool?!" Her words slithered off her tongue like a snake. She dug her long fingernails into my skin and literally punctured through my flesh. I winced at the sharp pain.
"N-no, I-..."
"I know what you are know...You cannot hide from the truth. You're a freak!"
My heart fell at her mocking words.
"R-Ray..."
She lifted her head and glared at me. Her eyes were glowing a fierce firey gold and her expression was cold as she looked at me dead in the eyes.
"I don't know what I saw in a creature like you! You're a monster! A beast! " She got up and towered over me. "Get out!"
I stared at her in complete shock as she screamed in my face. I felt emotion building up and tears threatened to spill down my face.
"Ra-Raquel...please I-"
"Get out you monster! GET OUT!"

* * * * *
And that's when I woke up, with a chilling sweat covering my body. As usual, my throat would close up and I'd struggle to take simple breaths. My hands would grab firmly on to the side boards of the bed to keep them from shaking. Panic attacks came so natural to me anymore, though I never told Raquel about them. She doesn't need to be burdened with my problems.
"It was just a dream Leonardo. Get over it!" I scolded myself as I looked into the bathroom mirror and stared at the horrid reflection that stared back. I looked nothing like I did months ago. Dark bags sagged under my eyes, stress wrinkles formed around the sides of my eyes and forehead. I looked old. I barely remember myself when I felt so young and alive...like a normal 17 year old should feel...then again, I was never normal.
The voices in my head screamed and mocked at me. Reminding me of everything I'm afraid of...
You'll never find your brothers...
You're too weak...
You try so hard, yet you end up being defeated...
You're not strong enough to protect anyone...Not your family, not Raquel...
You're a faliure...
It's times like this where I just wish I could just end it all. Just to forget about everything, to make all my pain and suffering go away.
My self conscience gave into the voices in my head as it kept filling my mind with these thoughts as I could only stand there and listen helplessly.
You're a freak of nature, a monster. Why do you keep trying to hide from the truth when it is visually obvious? You know you're nothing but a freak who will never be accepted...or loved...
"Stop it...just stop it!"
I shook my head violently and put my hands on my head to cover my ears, trying to drown the voices out. Hot tears began to stream down my cheeks and I shuddered with every breath.
Because the voices were true. Everything was true. I am a monster. I shouldn't even exist. I wasn't born this way, I was created. I lifted, my red, puffy eyes back to my hideous reflection as I quietly sobbed. I couldn't bare to look at myself anymore.
"How do I escape this?"
That's when I saw the pair of hair scissors in the cup on the sink.

___________Time Skip__________

"Oh God, what have I done?"
When I woke up this morning, my memories of last night were fuzzy, till I went into the kitchen to do the morning dishes. I rolled up the sleeves of my shirt...and that's when I saw them.
Five deep red cuts, freshly cut on my left wrist. The area was raw, but the bleeding stopped.
I cut myself...
Why? Why, why, why?! Why the hell would I be so fucking stupid? Yes, I was hurt and upset, but I never thought it would get to the point were I'd actually inflict harm on myself. It was something I never believed I would ever do to myself. I was never that kind of person, I guess...until now.
I gasped at the marks on my wrist.
"Oh man, if Ray finds out-"
"Top of the mornin' to ya Leo." Raquel walked by me, heading into the pantry.
"Oh, um-uh, morning!" I studdered in responding as I tried to pull my sleeves down to hide my wrist.
Raquel turned to me with a cheerful smile as she headed to the kitchen counter with a box of pancake batter.
"You seem a bit jumpy this morning. Did you sleep well?"
"Absolutely! " I blurted out a bit too soon. I am such a fucking lier.
She raised a her brow suspiciously but shrugged it off and returned to pouring the batter into the mixing bowl.
"I'm making pancakes for breakfast this morning, sound good?"
I nodded slightly. "Sounds delightful."
I tried to keep up my fake cheerful attitude for as long as I could, in hopes she wouldn't suspect anything. She couldn't find out what I've done...she just can't.