Broken

Chapter 16- Sweet Release

It has been so long since I've last practiced my katas.
I was practicing out in the garage/wreck room that Kendra mentioned they had. She said I was welcome to use it. As normal, I prepared a mat on the floor for morning meditation, which lasted for about two hours. It felt so good to unwined. Not think about anything for a while. I was in my zone. Having no care or worries in that period of time.
Now I was on to stretching and improving my katas.
It felt like home.
I felt more myself, getting back into my daily routine.
It's been so long.
Inhale
Find balance on one foot, arms extended.
Step forward.
Exhale
Lean into it, stretch into squats. Balance again.
Inhale
Though, it wasn't the same being alone.
I open my eyes and imagine the garage walls were replaced with slimey brick sewer walls, covered with stay art. All my memories came in full force. I imagined myself standing inside the dojo with my brothers. Father was watching us, sitting on the far side of the room like he always has, in his bright komono robe.
I remember his words as clear as day...
"Your strength lies in believing in one another."
Then my vision faded, but my thoughts lingered on, remembering.
I believe in my brothers unfailingly.
Donatello had been inventing and designing tech that shaped our lives for 17 years. His gadgets and security systems had saved our lives so much.
Donnie had never let them down.
Raphael had a short fuse but I respected his passion, even if I'd never admit it to him. Raph was loyal to a fault, he'd taken bullets and nearly been crushed by Shredder.
Raph would always pull through no matter what.
Michaelangelo was the sunshine. He would find the upside in any situation. Even if there wasn't any, he'd make one. He's always had a big heart and he didn't even have to try. He was almost accidentally an exceptional athlete, artist and brother.
Mikey was the sticky glue that held them together.
And Master Splinter...
He was our Master, our sensei, our father. He had raised us from infants, teaching ninjitsu and life lessons to learn from. Giving us advice and assurance when we needed it the most.
Dad was always there for all of us.
But, what was I?
"Leader " was the title Raph wou.d always mock when they fought. "Fearless Leader " he'd tease. Sometimes I feel like they'd have been better off without me. My brothers never let me down, but the times I've failed them? I've lost count.
That night of our capture was my worst fuck up yet.
Inhale
About face, block low. Hold.
Raph was the fearless one. I'm constantly eaten alive every waking moment by my doubts and fears.
Exhale
Feet together. Bow. Begin again...
I thought back to the memory of the purple ooze and for a moment I had a crazy idea.
What if we did drink it? Turn human? What would have happened? I know one thing...
If we would've became humans, the Foot Clan would never had recognized us and might have considered us dead. We would no longer have needed to hide.
Or mess with the Foot clan.
It was a selfish idea.
If we've become human, Donnie easily could invent identities for us, no one would've ever noticed they hadn't always been there. Donnie would probably get into a acclaimed school and become a renowned scientist, actually getting credit for a change. Raphael would find his place in some contact sport or wearing a uniform for protecting the helpless. Mikey would make friends wherever he went. Be a DJ or an actor, the kid had star in his DNA.
As for me, I've always wanted to open my own dojo and be a martial arts teacher, teaching young children the art of ninjitsu just like Dad taught us as kids.
"We don't need that kind of change."
Geeze, if I'd only known all that what I'm going through now was gonna happen then, I wouldn't have said that to Donnie. I had shut Donnie down.
Inhale
"Only one vote counts in this family! Mine!"
No wonder Raph hates me all the time. I'm an egotistical prick. Invalidating their thoughts and opinions, dismissing them as inferior. If I wasn't so caught up in myself, that night in the rain...my brothers would not have been taken from me.
Exhale
Stop shaking...Stop. Breathe.
I had blown my chance to build the team. It had been one of the worst fights we've ever faced. I had failed them again, and I don't know how to fix it.
"Argh!" The silence breaks in the room as my fists make contact with the hanging punching bag.
I was pounding the punching bag constantly now. My restraint and control is slowly hanging by a thread. I was screaming all of my suppressed anger out. I felt the hot tears of anger pour down my face.
What kind of brother was I? What kind of son am I?
"Father..."
I can only pray that Dad was alright. If he hadn't died from a heart attack from worrying about us. If there was only a way I could tell him it was okay, bit at this point if it was possible, I would be telling him a lie.
I miss Dad so much.
I hoped I was wrong and Dad was still alive, waiting for us to come home.
I felt like I couldn't catch my breath. I was gasping, as I stopped throwing punches and kicks at the bag, I leaned over, my hands on my knees. My ears were ringing. I was practically shrieking in panic as my vision blurred with tears. I could feel the blood pounding in my head.
I was having a panic attack.
Why? Why now? I have been doing so good with controlling it.
It was just another sign of just how weak I really was. I somehow found the energy to be disgusted with myself as I fell to my knees, trying to keep from passing out, trying to make everything make sense.
I failed...
I failed...
I hit the ground with a loud thud. I curled up and just let the tears pouring.
"Leo!"
I barely heard Ray's voice over the ringing in my ears.
I lifted my head trying to shake the fog from my mind. She ran over and collapsed on the mat beside my shaking form, scanning me for possible injuries.
"Leo, what's going on? Are you hurt? Did you strain your shoulder? Leo, answer me?!"
Her voice was panicked, I didn't mean to scare her, but I couldn't draw myself to speak.
"Leonardo answer me!"
I took as many deep breaths as I could before I could compose myself to speak.
"I-I-I-" I tried to contain my hiccuping sobs as much as possible and I tried to speak, but I was failing at that too. "I-I don't know. I don't know!"
"Leo, listen to me" Raquel helped me up into a sitting position and sat on my heels. I couldn't look her in the eye.
She wrapped her arms around me as much as she could. Tightly embracing me in a comforting hug. I leaned into her resting my head against her chest as I cried.
"Shh, shh, shh, It's alright...Leo, you're okay...what happened?"
"I-I had a panic attack."
"But you've been doing so well."
I sniffled. "I know, I don't know what came over me."
She tenderly wiped my tears from my face, forcing me to smile.
"It's okay to have a relapse once in a while."
"I hate it."
Raquel kissed my head.
"Leo, listen. Whenever you feel this way, please tell me. I'm here for you."
I looked into her sparkling eyes and almost blushed. I hadn't realized how close her face was to mine. I can feel her warm breath hit my cheeks. My heart started to pound.
Oh my gosh she's so close.
I stared down at her pink lips.
Needless to say I was tempted.
I notice her staring at me with the same lust in her eyes. I could tell she wanted it. I know she does.
I couldn't take it anymore.
I slammed my lips into hers. She was slightly taken off guard, but I felt her body relax and her eyes closed, her mouth melting into mine. I pushed my lips more, moving with her at a steady pace. I felt my mouth become wet as she deepened the kiss. The kiss became more passionate.
That's when I felt it.
Her tongue finally slid into my mouth, it twisted and turned, getting the feel for my own. I didn't even bother to hide the moan building in my throat.
"Le- Leonardo."
A soft moan slipped from her lips as we both took a moment to catch our breath.
She quickly forced her swollen lips upon me again. I began to move my hands down her waist. I changed my positing to sit with my legs crossed. I hoisted her up on my lap and she unexpectedly wrapped her legs my lower torso, her arms did the same around my neck. I placed light kisses on her neck, earning a churr of pleasure, encouraging me to continue. My hand's felt for the bottom of her shirt. I slowly tried to lift it. Raquel had already lifted her arms up to allow me to take it off.
I could guess she had wanted this for a long time. I feel sorry for making her wait this long. I took her shirt off and stared at her smooth and curvy body, though I was glad she was wearing a bra underneath. But I couldn't help but stare at her cleavage. I stared breaking a sweat.
Oh God
I held her in my arms, placing kisses along her jaw all the way down her collar bone. I rubbed my hands against her sides down her thighs and squeezed. I heard a deep moan escape her. She didn't hesitate in planting kisses directly in the center of my neck, sending shivers down my body. I suddenly felt her teeth nibble on the sensitive  area of my neck. I've never felt this kind of pleasure before...but I was enjoying it.
She somehow was able to physically push me down on the mat onto my shell. I stared up at her as she towered over me. A grin widening on her face.
"You enjoying this?"
"To be honest, I've been wanting to do this for a while."
Raquel chuckled, "Me too."
I moved my hands along her body down to her hips, feeling the unfamiliar soft texture of her blemishless skin. I took a hold of her pants, I looked up at her for permission.
"Hmmm...go ahead."
I smiled and unzipped her jeans and they fell to her knees, revealing a cute pair of laced underwear. We both stared at each other and kissed once more.
We pulled away after a few minutes for breath. Her breath was hot against my neck that sent shivers through my neck and chest. She fell onto my plastron, nuzzling her nose into the crook of my neck. I reached my arms around her back protectively and rubbed in circular motions.
I heard her sigh.
"I love you Leo."
I smiled and held her tighter.
"I love you too. I'm glad that I've met you Ray. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You're always there."
Raquel sat up and looked me in the eyes. "And I plan on staying, so I will always be there for you."
I gave her a quizzical look but I knew what she meant.
"Does that mean what I think it does?"
She leaned back down and gave me a kiss on the lips. "You're mine and I'm yours."
"Hehe, thought so."
Suddenly the garage door opened and there was Kendra, standing at the entrance, staring at us making out on the mat. Her eyes grew wide at the sight. Me and Ray were speechless. I had no idea how to explain this.
Kendra raised her hands up as if she'd been caught red handed, when it was clearly the other way around.
"Oh no! Don't mind me. Didn't mean to interrupt. You two kids have fun...Raquel if you need me I'll be in the living room watching WWE if you need me."
Kendra quickly turned to leave and closed the door behind her.
We were left in silence.
I turned to Ray with a sheepish grin. We both stared at each other and started giggling until it grew into an all out laughter. Raquel looked at me with a goofy smile that I couldn't help but find cute.
"Well, that was awkward. "
"Yep."

Well there it is, the first hot and steamy scene that you've been waiting for with these two turtle doves XD! Good God that took forever to write, sorry if it'd a bit long. I'd like to dedicate this chapter to NinjaTurtleAddict for helping me find an inspiration. 😊