By the Playbook

By the Playbook (32)

                I buried my toes in the sand, wondering if I was pretending nothing was wrong or if I was just being paranoid. There was something about being at home that made me feel nostalgic – not sad, like in Germany, but there was a certain kind of longing for my parents to pop out like nothing had happened that wouldn't leave me alone.

Gazing out at the water, the waves lapping gently at my feet, I sighed quietly. This house was the one that had started everything – it had been here that I'd heard my first Gold Rush album, decided I would marry Oliver, and made it my life's goal to meet them. Here was where Emily and I had returned to start our new lives as orphans after we'd recovered enough to come home, and the place that Oliver had told her he loved her for the first time. It had been on this beach that I'd learned to swim and where Ryder had kissed me for the first time, where we'd danced in the waves and I'd realized I was in way over my head with something that was supposed to be casual. This house was where my fondest memories lay, with my parents and with the others that I loved, and there was something devastating about returning to find it empty again.

The tears didn't come. I didn't want them to, but I had expected them, so the fact that my eyes stayed dry was surprising. Ryder was inside unpacking our things, but I'd only spent a few minutes inside before returning to the beach, not bothering to put on a bathing suit. The sun was beating down on my head and back, sweat beading on the back of my neck and dampening my hairline, but I didn't move, watching the waves. Being close to water reminded me of the island we'd been stranded on after the crash, of hours on hours spent staring at the waves and wondering when the pain in my leg was going to kill me. The memory made my scar ache, but I embraced it, remembering all of the craziness that had been terrorizing my emotions with an almost fond pain.

The sound of sand shifting behind me announced Ryder's arrival. I didn't turn around. "This is where you kissed me," I said, watching the waves roll in.

He sat next to me, looped his arm around my shoulders, and pressed his lips against mine. "I guess it is."

I rolled my eyes, amused, and leaned into him. "Lots of memories in this place."

Ryder made a noise of agreement but was otherwise silent. When I glanced up at him, he was staring out the waves, looking lost in his thoughts. I leaned my head against his shoulder and looked out at the water, hugging his arm when he rested his cheek against my hair. For a long time, we were quiet, watching the water, until he took in a long breath. "Games start tomorrow," he said.

"What time do you play?"

"We have practice at 8:00, then go to watch the first batch of elimination games at noon, then play at 4:00 against Everclear High."

I smiled. "So you're going to be busy tomorrow?"

Ryder nodded. "I thought you could catch up with Felicity... go shopping or whatever. You can take my card."

I shook my head. "I think I'm going to go see my parents tomorrow," I decided on the spot. "And then I'll go to Felicity's, but we'll be at your game for 3:30. Sound good?"

He nodded again, looking troubled. I nudged his arm. "You okay?"

Another nod. "Always."

There was something in the blue of his eyes that made me think he was hiding something, a king of uncertainty that was usually hidden behind his arrogance. For one moment, I could see the vulnerability in his face before he pressed it away, hiding it behind his features. I nestled my cheek against his bicep. "Are you nervous?"