By the Playbook

An Apology

To all my readers,

It's been a month, almost a month and a half, since I last updated. I know, and I'm so sorry that I just disappeared without letting you know. I feel horrible about it, so here we go.

I've been spiralling. Badly. A few months ago I had some urges, you could say, and I thought I beat them, I did. I felt better, and I was happy again. Then everything started going wrong again. I hurt my shoulder at cheerleading so I couldn't cheer, things are going horribly at school, and I've found next to no time to write.

Here's the thing. I have a 93% average in school. I pull straight A's in everything, even my worst subject, which is math. Within the past three weeks, it dropped from a 93 to an 89 and now it's down to an 84. In math, I don't even have an 80. I know for a lot of you that's no big deal but for me it is. On Saturday I got kicked in the head at practice and I've been dizzy since. I'm also anemic, so being on my period doesn't put me in the best of chances for anything right now. 

My friend group is fighting right now, hard, because one girl got a boyfriend. Her best friend doesn't like him. They're fighting like mad and it's getting dropped on the rest of us. To try and keep from being on the end of the main girl's bad side, the others have sided against the other girl and her boyfriend. I don't believe in calling someone horriible, horrible names because I don't like them. i keep it to myself. So, as of late, I've stayed on the side of the girl with the boyfriend and I've been kind to him like a decent human being.

So today, the boyfriend took the lock off of the main girl's locker, his girlfriend's best friend. Snapchats were sent to the main girl. She took it out on me. About two minutes before i started writing a math test, she came in shouting at me and blaming me for giving him the lock, telling all of our friends that I did something I didn't. Combined with a dizzy headache and feeling sick to my stomach, I completely blanked on the test and I did something i never thought I'd ever do. I cheated.

And I got caught.

Flashforwards, and I'm taking a zero on the test, my teacher is super disappointed in me, I can't stop crying because I'm an idiot, and my mom is really mad at me. She's taking my phone and my computer. I don't know how long. I'm only allowed my computer for school reasons. I just thought I'd let you know. 

By the Playbook will be continued. The chapter is half written. I just don't know when I'll be able to continue it. I don't know how long she'll take my computer away for, but I'm not going to beg for it back. I did something stupid and I'm taking the consequences for it. In all honesty, the only thing that I feel even remotely comfortable with right now is studying. I'm sorry, but I need to get my grades back up . I'm so sorry, but i need to focus on me right now and getting myself back on track. I don't know what's wrong with me right now but I need to get my grades back up. It's all I have going for me.

Absolute, Say When, and Crazier will all be posted. I don't know when.

Sorry again,

Carly.